fiery trial musings and four things to remember

     Remember that series on my fiery trial I did last year, about leaving my old church? I just read back and read it, and... wow. It all came back in one big, tear-filled rush. I still cry when I hear this song. I remembered it all - the specific emotions I felt on a day-to-day basis, the tears, the heartache. And the constant struggle of trying to believe that God is good.
     Well, it's been a year since God and I embarked on my first life-trial. And things have been going good. I feel the impact of the trial now and again, but I've reached the end, and now I just want to be ready when something else like it falls in my path. Because it will.
     But you know what's strange? Reading what I wrote last year, when I was in the midst of that fiery trial, I realized that I miss it. I miss being forced to rely on God at all times. I miss the sobs of relief when I would read Isaiah 43. I miss the vulnerability - the constant need to jump into God's lap to just sit and wait it out.
     I can't believe it, but I'm out of that hard time, and I'm pretty sure it's for good. I'll probably feel the impact of it for the rest of my life, but the sharpness of the pain is gone. It's all gone. All I know is that I love my new church (not so new now - I've been attending for a year...!!!), and I love the people in it. I'm dreaming big and anticipating what's ahead in my life. And I can't believe that I really am at the end of that tunnel.
     And I can't believe that I want another trial.
Okay, so I don't really want another one. But I miss that feeling of God being always present in my weakness. I find myself slipping back into old habits of self-sufficiency (two words: summer school).
     So, if you're reading this today and you're going through a fiery trial of your own, please read on, carefully.

1. IT'S GOING TO BE OVER SOMETIME.

2. GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU. HE'S HOLDING YOU TIGHT AND HE WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER LET YOU GO.

3. GOD LOVES YOU A WHOLE LOT. 

4. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

<3
Sarah

a future and a hope

     Jeremiah 29:11 has been something of a "cliche" verse for me. Not in the sense that it's overrated or whatever, but it seems like I've heard it quoted so many times in so many contexts, that it's lost some of it's meaning to me. That's why I'm so excited that God has given me a new meaning to it. And that's why I'm writing this post. :)

     For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

     My former thought process when hearing this verse: It's very comforting that God knows exactly what is going to happen in my life, and I don't need to worry about it!

     It's not as if there is anything wrong with thinking that. It's the truth: God does know what is going to happen in the future (he planned it), and I really don't have to worry about anything. But that's as far as I got with this verse. The fascinating thing about the Bible is, since it is the inspired word of God, there are always new layers of meaning to it. God uncovered a new layer of this verse, and I'm just so excited about it. 

    I first realized it whilst doing math homework.

     Funny how this post was triggered by my math homework. Didn't I just write a post that started the same way?

;)

      It's hard being a sophomore in high school who happens to be doing a much more rigorous curriculum than most people my age that I interact with on a daily basis. For example, while they're watching a movie, I'm doing math or some other form of homework. Almost every single time. I use that example because that's precisely what happened to me an hour or two ago. My parents keep reminding me that all this school is necessary if I want to be accepted into Hillsdale (my dream college). I called that to mind as I was sitting on the floor doing math, just ten feet away from the happy, math-free movie-watchers. I thought of the work that was necessary if I wanted college. I thought of Jeremiah 29:11. 

     And I realized.  That future starts now. 

God has plans for me now. It's not like I'm just living my life, and one day, it will be THE future that's referenced in this verse. I'm living it.

     (It's super late at night as I'm writing this, so I know it's on the brink of incoherency. Sorry about that.)

     I suppose what I'm trying to say is that what I do now matters. It's part of God's big plan for me, and in the grand scheme of things, having to do math instead of watching a movie isn't really significant at all. Because it's part of God's huge and exciting plan for my life. It's nice to think about when I'm feeling discouraged about school and such (especially now, with four weeks of school left and finals looming ahead). I know that my hard work WILL pay off soon.

Anyway, that's my two cents on Jeremiah 29:11. I hope it was encouraging/enlightening/et cetera.
Excuse the rather flustered nature of the post. . . I'm tireeedddd. Haha. :)

Have a nice Tuesday.
-Sarah :)

 

who we are in Christ - God doesn't create junk

     Christians need to have a certain amount of self-esteem. I'm not talking about constantly doing things to keep people thinking highly of them. That's more of what the world (read: unbelievers) would say self-esteem is. People are always saying "believe in yourself!" As if you were something so amazing, that you could rely on yourself to accomplish anything.

     But we can't do that. We can't rely on ourselves. Jeremiah 17:9 says: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"

     So, as Christians, where do we get self-esteem? We all need it. Otherwise, we'd have such a low opinion of ourselves to the point where we would start lying to ourselves about our worth. We do have worth. But it's not in ourselves. If the heart is deceitful, there's no way we could look in ourselves for truth about who we are. We are more critical of ourselves than anyone else is. We all have our insecurities, and NO ONE on earth is entirely immune to peer pressure.

     We get our worth from JESUS. Since Jesus bore the punishment for all of our sin and fear and insecurities and failings, we have HIS record. That doesn't mean we don't sin. It does mean, though, that we aren't going to be punished for our sin. God looks at us as beloved sons and daughters. I don't know about you, but I find it comforting to know that God thinks I'm beautiful. THAT'S how I should look at myself. The devil likes to whisper in our ears and tell us lies about how we aren't worth anything, how we can never be a success, et cetera. That's when I look at what God thinks of me. He loves me as a Father loves his child! And his opinion will never change. Oh, happy thought!

     I'm an introvert myself, so I count myself as one of the socially awkward club. You know, the kind that go to Chick-fil-a and have to muster up all the courage in their being to go up to the counter and order lemonade. (True story.) So, when I go out in public, I'm constantly comparing myself to people, whether it's my physical appearance, or the way I speak, or my sense of humor. It's easy for me to sit here on my bed and type a bunch of words about how comparing yourself to others doesn't get you anywhere, and how God made you unique and for a special purpose. It's harder once I go out there and try to apply it to my life. But God's always working. He really is. He's showing me this and, slowly but surely, bringing me out of the pit of low self-esteem.

     God has perfect timing. I started attending my new church around August of last year, and last September, youth group started. Our theme for this whole year in youth group has been: "Be yourself; who you are in Christ." It's amazing and wonderful that God would place me in this group, talking about this subject, right around the time I started struggling with self-esteem. Last week at youth group, we did a sort of recap of everything we've learned in the past few months. I wanted to share with you who we are and what we have in Christ.

1) We are inseparable from Christ.
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

2) We are sanctified (set apart and being made holy).
"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus," - Ephesians 2:4-6

3) We have the Holy Spirit in us. 
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth." - Acts 1:8

4) We are free. 
"For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." - Galatians 5:1

5) We have authority. 
". . .so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs  according to the hope of eternal life." - Titus 3:7

6) We are masterpieces. 
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." - Ephesians 2:10

     Everyone in my youth group also received a card with the following printed on it:

I am a child of God.

I was created in His image for a unique 

purpose that He prepared for me before I 

 was known to this world. 

     I constantly need this reminder of who I really am, otherwise, I would always be beating myself up for my shortcomings and mistakes that I'm bound to make. When I read this card, I'm reminded that God is a forgiving and loving God, no matter how many times I mess up. 

     I'd like to leave you with this video made by the Skit Guys about being who God created you to be. Enjoy. :)

-Sarah :)

wednesday verse

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

Deuteronomy 31:8

on and on and on and on it goes

God's love. Infinite, eternal, unconditional, perfect, superlative.

     I've always believed that. I've taken it for granted, really. I've sung and believed Jesus Loves Me for as long as I can remember. I never thought it was something that I "struggled" with. Sure, I struggled with other things, but knowing God loves me? Naw. Never. That's easy to believe.
     Or is it?
Recently, as I have grappled with the merciless unrelenting taskmaster that is school, as well as other areas of my life that require self-discipline, I've failed again and again. It's inevitable. I'm human, I like to think I'm self-sufficient, and I start to wonder unconsciously whether God still loves me after I've failed to read such and such a book for school or go to bed at a reasonable hour. I say "unconsciously" because until a maybe a week ago, I didn't realize I was doubting God's love for me. I knew something was wrong but wasn't sure what. And even when I realized it initially, I prayed about it and then kind of forgot about it. But just last weekend I went to Planet Wisdom, a Christian student conference, with my youth group. It was an amazing time of learning about all kinds of relationships, laughing much and often, and worshipping with amazing songs and an amazing band. One of the songs in particular, "One Thing" by Jesus Culture, really hit me hard. I'm talking on my knees, crying kind of "hit me hard." The Holy Spirit literally inside of me "hit me hard."

Higher than the mountains that I face

Stronger than the power of the grave

Constant through the trial and the change

One thing remains

One thing remains

Your love never fails 

it never gives up 

it never runs out on me

On and on and on and on it goes

It overwhelms and satisfies my soul

And I never ever have to be afraid

One thing remains

Your love never fails 

it never gives up 

it never runs out on me

In death and in life I'm confident and covered by the power of your great love

My debt is paid there's nothing that can separate my heart from your great love

The part I put in bold was IT. God's love goes on and on and on and that I never have to be afraid? I thought I knew that, but. . . wow. I always get overwhelmed when I sing that. It was God's way of showing me that he really does love me all the time, whatever I do, no matter WHAT. Unconditional. That's what it is. It's never ending, doesn't depend on anything I do or don't do. 

IT NEVER ENDS. 

EVER.

IN MY LIFE.

(It's always a good idea to use a (paraphrased) quote from "Up" to drive a point home).

But reeeally, it doesn't depend on how bad I'm doing (or how great I'm doing, on the other hand). The following lyrics from Jenny Simmon's song "This I Know" basically sums up the struggle of trusting God's love:

When it comes to being free, I am my own worst enemy

'Cause I can criticize every move I make

I've got a microscope on my mistakes

And I steal glory from the One who made me me

I know the words, but help me believe

Jesus loves me, this I know

And I know it's not because of anything I've done

This love is unconditional

So at my worst, and at my best

You don't love me less, you can't love me more

This I know for sure

Never worried or impressed by any failure or success

'Cause I know somehow, some way I'll make You smile

You can not help but love Your child

So I can sing this song to You

You never change your mind about it

And I don't know why I ever doubt it

     As it is always with God's promises, it's comforting to know that you are safe in God's love, and that he will NEVER leave you (insert selfsame "Up" quote here). 

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 

1 John 4:8

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 

1 John 4:18

-Sarah :)