independent study.

     I love to learn. In the curriculum my school uses, we read books and briefly study the author and the time in which he or she lived. History fascinates me. Culture fascinates me. I love learning about people from the past. I love establishing a timeline in my head. I love to be aware of what brought the world to where it is today, and who helped it along.

     So I have decided to embark on a little bit of personal study. Studying people/books in school is all very good until you move on to the next book. There is just not enough time in the school year to read all of the assigned books and STILL LEARN AAALLLLL THE THINGS!!!!

     I don't know exactly how this will work, but I'm thinking I'll find someone who fascinates me first. Then I will spend an allotted amount of time (this is independent, on top of all my other school work) to learn about them and the world they lived in. They could be from any time period and any place. Sometimes I might choose to study someone from the present (a politician, for example). I might also study events sometimes.

     I will then put together some sort of brief presentation on this person/event, and maybe somehow put it up here on this little blog. If you all are interested in seeing something like that, let me know in the comments section. :)

     I'm excited to see how this will work! I have been thinking about this for awhile now and I am ready to start learning!

s

accepting imperfection

Well, I rounded the corner.

     To tell you the truth, I knew this trial would be different from last time. Last time, God gave me hard circumstances, and through that, I learned and grew and was sanctified. This time, I'm learning and growing in normal circumstances. It's starting inside this time. God has shown me something that I implied in this post - a longing to be perfect.

     I know what you're probably thinking: "Duh, Sarah, everyone wants to be perfect!" But I think most Christians have accepted that they sin, but they are forgiven by what Jesus did on the cross. And I do believe that, to be sure! But I struggle, still. And I don't think this struggle is just the "usual" self-sufficient feeling that Christians get.

     Like when I'm driving with my dad (I've got my learner's permit and I'm working on getting enough hours to get my license). I'm still learning to drive, so obviously I'm going to have to take direction from my dad, right?

     Even if he just reminds me to put my turn signal on, I'll get all defensive, like "yeah, I was going to do that."

     It's an extremely limiting, imprisoning way to live. And I'm having a hard time because I want to admit when I'm wrong, and be okay with taking direction. But I have insecurities and I've let the devil get his foot into those insecurities. So now I'm on a journey with God, and he's going to free me. Eventually. And I'll learn from it and be blessed by it.

     I'm so blessed already. When I embarked on that first trial last year, I had no idea what was happening to me. There I was, in the worst possible circumstances I could imagine, and I was desperate. I have learned so much in the past year. So much. And now I'm using what I've learned about trials this time around.

     It's still so, so hard. It wouldn't be a trial if it wasn't. I'm able to face this with a lot more optimism and hope, though.

     I'm going to leave you with some lyrics from "You Speak," another song from Audrey Assad's new album, "Fortunate Fall." This album is gold I tell you.

// You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos /
From the chains of a lesser law You set me free //

- Sarah <3 

    

    

so many things to think about

     Hi, friends. Haven't written in awhile. It's not that I've been in a spiritual "low" or anything, it's just been daily life. Living, working, resting, movie-watching (a lot of that lately; I saw Monster's University last night and I loved it, haha), and LOTS of reading (for a summer class and preparation for next school year! Ahh!).
     And I've been learning. About life. My outlook on it, what to do with it, and just life in general. I've realized that I tend to look at life in a glass-half-empty sort of way, and I've been praying and trying to live more positively. I've been inspired to go to bed early and wake up early, which... well, it'll happen soon (I hope). ;)
     The biggest thing, though, is what to do. I'm going into my junior year of highschool, and I'm nearing that time when I have to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I've prayed and thought about it, and I think I have a pretty good plan. But it's funny; as soon as I feel comfortable in this plan of mine, God leaves eleven different ideas for "plans' in my mind. I want to do them all (some more than others), and then I'm not so sure anymore. Plans change, but it would be so much easier if they didn't. It's at this time in my life that I'm reminded to hold on to God and let him lead me wherever he chooses.
     I'm filled with a sort of wanderlust; not just for traveling (although that is certainly there), but also a longing for change. For new surroundings. High school is a blast (if a messy, confusing one), and I don't want it to go any faster than it is. But at the same time... college, and independence are calling me. Being able to drive (I have my permit! So close.) sounds reeeally good right now. I'm in that place that I think all teenagers come to at one time or another; that need for independence and decision-making. I'll be honest, it's hard to have parents telling me what to do. It's this weird mix of being grateful that I have them (because deep inside I KNOW I'm not ready for independence!), and this longing to get out there and do things on my own. I'm so glad that God has given me the ability to be content with where I am right now, without taking away my hopes and dreams for the future. God is good. :)
   
So, in a nutshell, that's what I've been learning about life. So many things to think about.

Sarah :)

Jesus is loving Barabbas - a Judah Smith video

     My sister showed me this video last night and it brought me to tears. It's so beautiful and true, and it reminded me of the truth of the cross in a way I didn't know I needed. Please take eight minutes to be blessed by this. Judah Smith is a dynamic and gifted speaker, and the graphics of the video help to intensify the message. For this reason, I suggest you view it in Youtube so that the screen is bigger. :)

-Sarah :)

P.S. My spiritual life has been a whirlwind lately. So many new things that God is introducing to me! I'm not sure I will be able to share them all; I'm afraid of coming across as confusing and I don't want to lead anyone astray. But I hope that I will be able to put some of my thoughts in order enough to give you a couple of posts soon. I haven't blogged in exactly a month! :P

a fiery trial? or something else?

     Lately I have been realizing that thinking about what I'm going through as a "fiery trial" makes it seem like something bad. I write all the time on this blog about how I can praise God through it, but it's not completely hitting home to me because I have the wrong perspective. So, the fiery trial series has ended; it's time for something new. Be looking for posts titled "learning" in the future (it's extremely simple, but I think it's the mindset I need to have).
 
-Sarah :)