I refuse to be a victim.

     For me there are three weeks between Thanksgiving break and Christmas break. Those three weeks are almost unbearable. All my friends at school would agree, I think. ;) I love school, but I have a lot this year. And breaks are definitely needed. Sometimes I allow myself to obsess over those breaks. I even remember thinking the week before Thanksgiving break this year: "Only one week until break. I don't have to try hard this week - I'm close enough to a week of no school, anyway."

Today I burned that way of thinking. I refuse to be a victim.

     This is my school. My work. My responsibility. I will not go about my duties halfheartedly, hypocritically, half-awake. I won't cut corners. I have all of God's strength in my soul - I am able to meet standards and do well.

     I have one more week until Christmas break. This week will not go like the last week-before-break. I will work. I will sleep. I will eat. All to the glory of God.

How thoughtless of us to do anything less than our best! Think of who we live for!

     There is no condemnation in Jesus. I don't shouldn't feel guilty when I fail, because Jesus has already won for me. In light of this, I should be inspired to love and please the one that freed me to do so.
 
Refuse to be a victim and draw upon the immeasurable strength that is in Jesus today.

<3
s
    

overwhelmed

     Do you ever feel like you want to just pause time? Just pause - get tons of work done, sleep, eat, etc. - then press play and "start life" again where you left off, except way ahead of everyone and completely stress-free?
   
 Maybe that's just me.

     I just feel like I have so much responsibility. SO MUCH. And I struggle with feeling like I'm never good enough... that I'm not doing enough... that I'm not mature or reliable enough...

I'm struggling.

     I'm taking my third year of Latin in school this year, and I absolutely love Latin normally. But it's really hard this year. And I'm discouraged. And nervous. Add six other classes on top of that and it's completely overwhelming.

     I know that I'm supposed to lean on God for all of my strength, but I'm having trouble trusting that he has enough of it. I know he does, but... gosh, it's just everything on my plate at once. I want to prove to myself that I am good enough, not really to God - I know what he thinks of me already - but to people around me. It's probably more important to me than it should be. I don't want to live with this binding me. I've realized that I'm not free from it, but it's strange because I don't necessarily want to be free from it. If I just gave up the fight and let God work through me, I wouldn't be proving anything to myself. Not that I need to prove anything to myself; I just want to.

     It's all so confused and messed up. I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. I just needed to get that out there. Please, try to understand where I'm coming from. I'm in a difficult place. It's okay to be in a difficult place - I know you all are probably in one, too. So maybe you could... pray for me. And if you ask for prayer in the comment section I will pray for you too.

- Sarah

be watchful

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.

1 Corinthians 16:13

(One of my dear readers mentioned this verse in a comment on my post called "right around the corner." I thought it summed up perfectly what I was trying to say, and it's a great message. Thanks, ThePixie, for mentioning it in your comment. :))

just wait

 Don't miss my post that's directly below this one! :)

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 I wrote this awhile ago, but hesitated to post it because it's such a daunting subject. But I feel like I have explained it as clearly as I can, so here goes. A little something about strength to start your week off with. :)

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   Lately I have been struggling with feeling the need to do things for God. I have felt like God needs my works in order to accept me. It's a frightening feeling, because all my life I have been taught and have believed that salvation and God's acceptance is based on faith alone, not anything that we do to try to earn it. But now I'm struggling with that. 

     I know that if God wants me to glorify him through my actions, but I also know that I have to rely on his strength. So do I just sit back and wait for God to move my body to do these actions that glorify him?

     That's a question I asked my dad last night. I was worried and frightened and terribly confused about all of this, and he helped me sort it out with an excellent metaphor (my dad always has great metaphors). 

     He said that it's okay – and right – to wait for God's strength to flow into you. I always thought that I had to pray for God's strength, and then go out and do things right away, hoping that God had sent strength quickly enough. I usually started relying on my own strength, which at that point had me feeling like a failure. It isn't a fun way to live life. My dad's metaphor for waiting for God to come to you went like this:

     You're at the beach, and you want to swim, but you don't want to walk into the water and start swimming yourself. So, while the tide is out, you go and sit near the water and wait for when you start to swim. Suddenly, a tsunami comes and you are swimming whether you wanted to or not. 

     The tsunami is God's strength, filling us and enabling us to do his will whether we feel like we can or not. When we ask for his strength, we aren't asking for the ability to do things by ourselves. This may seem obvious to some people, but I think what I have been doing is asking for God's strength, and then forgetting about that and expecting to be able to do things my myself. All I have to do is just sit there and wait for God, and he'll come. 

     To be sure, when he opens a door of opportunity, it's my responsibility to take a step through that door, but if you pray for his power to carry you, it doesn't start with you taking a step. It starts with a prayer for strength and the faith that God will move your feet. 

-Sarah

all things

     Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:11-13

     I can do all things through him who strengthens me. 

I was interrupted while writing the previous sentence by a most uncomfortable sneezing fit. :) I am currently sick with a cold, and have been for the past couple days. At first, I was thinking it would be over the next day and I would carry on as normal. But when Saturday rolled around and I was still sick, I started wondering how long it was going to take for me to get better, I'm really, really tired of being sick. Anxious thoughts come unbidden to my mind: I have loads of homework to do before Monday and Tuesday, and this weekend happens to be the weekend my family is decorating for Christmas. I also was going to have an violin audition for my youth group's worship team, but I might have to reschedule because I'm sick and because I didn't get my piece ready in time. 

     In all this, the passage from Philippians above is helping me through. I'm learning to be content. I'm learning to be content with being awake half the night because I can't breathe through my nose; I'm learning to be content with trekking through the Christmas tree farm with a headache and a nauseous stomach; I'm learning to be content with having to still do school while I'm feeling sick. 

     I know how to be brought low. . . 

I can do ALL things. Through HIM who strengthens me. I don't know about you, but this verse gets me pretty excited. Sure, I'm discouraged sometimes; we all are. Some more than others. Sometimes it seems like you've tried to be content for so long, but it isn't working. 

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 

1 Peter 5:6-7

     Jesus has enough strength for everyone, all the time. He has enough for me to get through an annoying and uncomfortable cold and still be joyful. 

     Rejoice always.

I forget all too often the significance of my blog's name. REJOICE. Always. In all things. Including illness. Because Jesus works in all things. 

-Sarah :)

fiery trial part 6 (blessings)

     We pray for blessings, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering

     

     As I continue further along the path of suffering, it's easy for me to focus my attention on how I am being disappointed again and again. It's easy to give up trying to be strong – trying to make it through. 

     Far too easy. And far too tempting.

I want what I want, and I want God to give it to me! Why should I try to conform my will to his, when I'm sure he can't know best?

All the while You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

The thing is, he does know best. I have to believe that. I am starting to, but it's hard. I would even be tempted to say it's too hard.

     But even as I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I have been depending too much on my own strength to make it through this trial. What makes me think I can carry myself through something I didn't even bring about? Am I that full of myself, that I would assign that much power to myself? It's a problem all Christians face at one time or another. We try to handle things by ourselves. But we can't handle things by ourselves. 

     It's not my place to take over; to be sovereign. It is my place, however, to fill myself with Jesus, who is sovereign, and with the power that he gives me to walk through my suffering. Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” I will not stop putting my hope and trust in Jesus. I know he will fight for me. 

     I know that what I am experiencing will result in his blessings. He will give me something much greater than anything I could ever imagine. I must believe that. I must keep my eyes on Jesus. 

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

And what if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise?

     I look forward to the wonderful things God has in store for me. I pray that he will give me the strength and wisdom to keep walking in the path he has set for me, without looking back. It is exhausting to think about the whys of the doings of God; he is incomprehensible, and as such, I will not try to understand his reasons for directing my life the way he does. 

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear

We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

     It's all that I can do to keep these beliefs from dashing to pieces. I have to fight to keep my eyes on Jesus. But I'm fighting with his power, not my own. Romans 8:31 says, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" I sing songs about God's love for me and his sovereignty, sometimes just to remind my doubting heart that it's true. 

     It is true, even if that seems hopelessly preposterous. It's not. There is a purpose, and God is working all things out for my good because I love him. 

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst

This world can't satisfy?

     And so, I lean on Jesus, knowing that he loves me and that he wants and intends to bless me. "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” - Lamentations 3:22-24. 

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

 Are Your mercies in disguise?

Blessings - Laura Story

-Sarah :)

the fiery trial

     I'm here to post about my fiery trial.

Nota bene: In this post, I will not be pouring out my woes or using my blog as a medium to complain to all of my readers. I am simply using this example in my own life as a testimony to what our Father can do with the trials he allows to enter our lives.

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. . . Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. . . Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.

1 Peter 4:12-13, 16, 19

 
     I have been struggling recently with a certain trial that has come into my life. As far as I can see right now, I will not be able to do something that I want to do more than anything I can think of. Most of the time, I'm able to live my life normally, and forget about this desire to do something I can not do. But I can not avoid conversation that pertains to this, as it surely does up often. Once I am reminded of it, I can get overwhelmed by disappointment and anger. It's then that my view of God and of my faith starts to change.

     I have found myself asking, "if God loves me, why would he do this to me?" I have started to doubt God's love at times, and it's scary because I have heard of people asking that same question, and regard it as a "trial cliche" of sorts. My thought-process usually went something like this:

   

"I would never doubt God's love! After all, I'm a Christian, and the Bible clearly states that God loves us! Why is it so hard for those people who are going through trials to understand that?!"

    

      I have since learned that it is hard. Extremely so! I can lose perspective so easily, and just keep my eyes on what I want. That's when the world seems to come crashing down; when my world comes apart. All I want is that thing that I can't believe I'm not getting. That's all that I can see.

     But that's not all there is.

It's so important to remember that God isn't confined to my plan for my life! There is so much more that only God can see. I want him to say that I can do this thing! That I can have what I want! That this would be the best thing for me to do! God loves to give us good gifts, right? Yes – but, in truth, he knows what's good for us better than we do.

Here in this waiting room

Yearning for You to say go

And though I'm convinced that a yes would be best

This time You're telling me no

     Like I said before, it's hard! One time I considered bitterly how perfect my trial was for me. God gave me a great experience, let me look forward to the next time it could happen, and allowed me to be disappointed.

      But it's crucial to remember that God didn't do this out of hatred, or whatever! He's doing it out of love for me, and out of his infinite wisdom.

It's not that I don't have an answer

It's just not the one that I'd like

But through this time Lord I must keep in mind

You're always wiser than I

   
     God still loves me! He does. Even when he says that I can't have something I want. Think about it this way.

     God can see my entire life as, say, a map, showing every single thing that has happened and will happen from the day I was born until the day I die. He also sees me, walking along the little path on that map. He sees me experience something that he planned for me to do, and he sees me enjoy it to the fullest. 

     Sounds great! God loves it. I love it. Life is good! Here's when I start to see a little bit differently than God, the one who's holding and drawing that map of my life.

     I'm walking along this little path, and all I can see ahead is that thing that I want. I start running towards it: thinking about it, preparing for it, expecting it. And then, a big wall just drops down right in front of it. BOOM. The path suddenly starts leading me to the side. The wall made the path turn. Looking down the new path, I see a really, really dark forest. I can't see anything that remotely resembles what the wall blocked off; that thing that I wanted so much. Doesn't look promising.

     I start to walk down this path. In some strange way, that wall keeps following me, all the while blocking off what I want. 

     OK, maybe omnipresent walls is where the analogy ends.

The point is, As I walk through this dark forest of my life, I keep wanting to bang my head against that wall. To fight for what I want. To somehow break through the difficulty. To make it through and carry out my plan for my life after all.

     Meanwhile, God is watching me writhe in discontentment and disappointment, and then looks over farther down that path that I'm walking down. There's a wonderful surprise up there. A "light at the end of the tunnel." THERE IS ONE!!!!!! There is one. And God is guiding me to it. It's OK to leave my "wonderful" plan behind, because there's something so much better than that up ahead. Something better than that! It must be really something!!!! I'm reminded of a quote from Corrie ten Boom about God guiding us: "If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided strong shoes." God knows we can't do this alone. He knows!

     

'Cause you have a much better purpose

And You have a far greater plan

And You have a bigger perspective

 'Cause You hold this world in Your hands

     Please realize that I really am struggling. I'm not quite to the point where I can believe totally and completely that God has something better ahead for me. That's partly why I'm writing this all down; to impregnate myself in this truth. It's hard to let go of my plan. So very hard. But I know God will get me there. And he will also help me to not entertain any doubts about his plan for me. He will help me to trust that there is nothing better than what he has prepared for me to do.

The things that I seek are from You

Like the strong healing touch of Your hand

But when You say no, help me trust even though

There's a reason I can't understand

      I'd like to think of Job, and the way he responded to his trials. (In case you are not familiar with the story of Job in the Bible, Job was a man who lost literally everything he had, even his health, as a test from God. Because God loved Job!) Though Job was experiencing deep pain and heartache, he said, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” That's the way I want to respond! God can help me do that. 

     There will come a time when I'm through that dark forest and at the wonderful surprise. Right now, by the power of God, I'm choosing to look to Jesus and not lose perspective. I'm choosing to believe that what's up ahead is incredibly good. I'm deciding, should God see fit to have me experience another tribulation farther along in my life, that I will bless his name and believe that he is wonderful and sovereign, regardless of how I'm feeling.

     Aren't you glad that God doesn't fluctuate with our emotions? I sure am.

That's my story. That's where I am right now. I know, as Chris Tomlin's lovely song, "How Can I Keep From Singing" says, "I know I am loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing!" By God's grace, I "can sing in my troubled times." There's no reason for me to be cast down; I'm simply adjusting to a plan-change. While this is painful, it is not too painful for my Father to handle. He can carry my burdens for me. He wants to.

     Please be encouraged by the truth in this post; not that anything I wrote is so very spectacular. God gave me this post. He made the words flow out of my fingertips and onto the keyboard so that I can hopefully bless all of my readers. We are all on a journey; a pilgrimage. We're all going to face sloughs of despond and valleys of the shadow of death. But God's our Father, and we're alive and strong in him! And we can look forward to everlasting relief from trials in heaven. Forever happiness.

When that miracle comes 'cause Your answer is yes

I will praise You for all of my days

But when Your wisdom declares that a no is best

I will praise You just the same

"Waiting Room" by Jonny Diaz

 God bless you!

-Sarah :)

     

Isaiah 43:1-7 (my favorite trial passage)

But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
    he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
     I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you. 

For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
    Cush and Seba in exchange for you.   

Because you are precious in my eyes,
    and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
    peoples in exchange for your life.
Fear not, for I am with you;
     I will bring your offspring from the east,
    and from the west I will gather you. 

 I will say to the north, Give up,
    and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
    and my daughters from the end of the earth, 

 everyone who is called by my name,
    whom I created for my glory,
    whom I formed and made.”

Help!

     This isn't a post that is begging my readers to assist me in some way. Nor am I in dire need of medical aid. :)

     Sometimes, though, I do feel like screaming "help!" Or feeling like I need to stop time in order to finish everything that I need to get done. As a freshman in high school, I am experiencing one of the most strenuous years of school in my whole education thus far. I'm taking outside classes for all of my subjects, out of which come copious amounts of homework. Add onto that daily violin and piano practice, and it makes for one VERY busy girl. I'm sure most of you have experienced a similar kind of overwhelming amount of work at one time or another. I just get so caught up in finishing everything on time that I forget that I can't do it. Because I can't - I'm not physically able to do everything by myself. The good news is, I don't have to do it by myself! God knows that we are too weak to do what he has called us to do by ourselves, and he loves to help us. Please read these next few verses about God giving us strength. These encourage me so much when I'm struggling with getting it all done.

For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.

Colossians 1:29

 I can do all things through [Christ] who strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Psalm 46:1

     God is always there to give us the strength to do what he's called us to do. Remembering that and hiding these verses in our hearts can not only help us to get it all done, but to do everything we do for God's glory! 

-Sarah :)

     

Security in trials/persecution

My mom showed this quote to me. John Chrysostum is being persecuted for his faith by Empress Eudoxia.

John Chrysostum and Empress Eudoxia

“ You cannot banish me for this world is my Father’s house!”
“But I will kill you!”, said Empress Eudoxia.
“No, you cannot, for my life is hid with Christ in God!”, said Chrysostum.
“Well, then, I will take away your treasures!” said the Empress.
“No, you cannot, for my treasure is in heaven and my heart is there.”
“But I will drive you away from your friends and you will have no one left.”
“No, you cannot”, said Chrysostum. “For I have a friend in heaven from whom you cannot separate me. I defy you for there is nothing you can do to harm me.”

"The battle is not yours but God's"

I know this is really long. But pleasepleaseplease read it through; it is an amazing story.

After this the Moabites and Ammonites, and with them some of the Meunites, came against Jehoshaphat for battle. Some men came and told Jehoshaphat, "A great multitude is coming against you from Edom, from beyond the sea; and, behold, they are in Hazazon-tamar" (that is, Engedi). Then Jehoshaphat was afraid and set his face to seek the LORD, and proclaimed a fast throughout all Judah. And Judah assembled to seek help from the LORD; from all the cities of Judah they came to seek the LORD.

And Jehoshaphat stood in the assembly of Judah and Jerusalem, in the house of the LORD, before the new court, and said, "O LORD, God of our fathers, are you not God in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. In your hand are power and might, so that none is able to withstand you. Did you not, our God, drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel, and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend? And they have lived in it and have built for you in it a sanctuary for your name, saying, 'If disaster comes upon us, the sword, judgement, or pestilence, or famine, we will stand before this house–and cry out to you in our affliction, and you will hear and save.' And now behold, the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir, whom you would not let Israel invade when they came from the land of Egypt, and whom they avoided and did not destroy–behold, they reward us by coming to drive us out of your possession, which you have given us to inherit. O our God, will you not execute judgement on them? For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you."

Meanwhile all Judah stood before the LORD, with their little ones, their wives, and their children. And the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jahaziel the son of Zechariah, son of Benaiah, son of Jeiel, son of Mattaniah, a Levite of the sons of Asaph, in the midst of the assembly. And he said, "Listen, all Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem and King Jehoshaphat: Thus says the LORD to you, 'Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's. Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz. You will find them at the end of the valley, east of the wilderness of Jeruel. You will not nedd to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the LORD on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.' Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the LORD will be with you."

Then Jehoshaphat bowed his head with his face to the ground, and all Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem fell down before the LORD, worshiping the LORD. And the Levites, of the Kohathites and the Korahites, stood up to praise the LORD, the God of Israel, with a very loud voice.

And they rose early in the morning and went out into the wilderness of Tekoa. And when they went out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, "Hear me, Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem! Believe in the LORD your God, and you will be established; believe his prophets, and you will succeed." And when he had taken counsel with the people, he appointed those who were to sing to the LORD and praise him in holy attire, as they went before the army, and say,

"Give thanks to the LORD, for his steadfast love endures forever."

And when they began to sing and praise, the LORD set an ambush against the men of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir, who had come against Judah, so that they were routed. For the men of Ammon and Moab rose against the inhabitants of Mount Seir, devoting them to destruction, and when they had made an end of the inhabitants of Seir, they all helped to destroy one another.

When Judah came to the watchtower of the wilderness, they looked toward the horde, and behold, there were dead bodies lying on the ground; none had escaped. When Jehoshaphat and his people came to take their spoil, they found among them, in great numbers, goods, clothing, and precious things, which they took for themselves until they could carry no more. They were three days in taking the spoil, it was so much. On the fourth day they assembled in the Valley of Beracah, for there they blessed the LORD. Therefore the name of that place has been called the Valley of Beracah to this day. Then they returned, every man of Judah and Jerusalem, and Jehoshaphat at their head, returning to Jerusalem with joy, for the LORD had made them rejoice over their enemies. They came to Jerusalem with harps and lyres and trumpets, to the house of the LORD. And the fear of God came on all the kingdoms of the countries when they heard that the LORD had fought against the enemies of Israel. So the realm of Jehoshaphat was quiet, for his God gave him rest all around.

- 2 Chronicles 20:1-30