I'm here to post about my fiery trial.
Nota bene: In this post, I will not be pouring out my woes or using my blog as a medium to complain to all of my readers. I am simply using this example in my own life as a testimony to what our Father can do with the trials he allows to enter our lives.
Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. . . Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. . . Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.
1 Peter 4:12-13, 16, 19
I have been struggling recently with a certain trial that has come into my life. As far as I can see right now, I will not be able to do something that I want to do more than anything I can think of. Most of the time, I'm able to live my life normally, and forget about this desire to do something I can not do. But I can not avoid conversation that pertains to this, as it surely does up often. Once I am reminded of it, I can get overwhelmed by disappointment and anger. It's then that my view of God and of my faith starts to change.
I have found myself asking, "if God loves me, why would he do this to me?" I have started to doubt God's love at times, and it's scary because I have heard of people asking that same question, and regard it as a "trial cliche" of sorts. My thought-process usually went something like this:
"I would never doubt God's love! After all, I'm a Christian, and the Bible clearly states that God loves us! Why is it so hard for those people who are going through trials to understand that?!"
I have since learned that it is hard. Extremely so! I can lose perspective so easily, and just keep my eyes on what I want. That's when the world seems to come crashing down; when my world comes apart. All I want is that thing that I can't believe I'm not getting. That's all that I can see.
But that's not all there is.
It's so important to remember that God isn't confined to my plan for my life! There is so much more that only God can see. I want him to say that I can do this thing! That I can have what I want! That this would be the best thing for me to do! God loves to give us good gifts, right? Yes – but, in truth,
he knows what's good for us better than we do.
Here in this waiting room
Yearning for You to say go
And though I'm convinced that a yes would be best
This time You're telling me no
Like I said before, it's hard! One time I considered bitterly how perfect my trial was for me. God gave me a great experience, let me look forward to the next time it could happen, and allowed me to be disappointed.
But it's crucial to remember that God didn't do this out of hatred, or whatever! He's doing it out of love for me, and out of his infinite wisdom.
It's not that I don't have an answer
It's just not the one that I'd like
But through this time Lord I must keep in mind
You're always wiser than I
God still loves me! He does. Even when he says that I can't have something I want. Think about it this way.
God can see my entire life as, say, a map, showing every single thing that has happened and will happen from the day I was born until the day I die. He also sees me, walking along the little path on that map. He sees me experience something that he planned for me to do, and he sees me enjoy it to the fullest.
Sounds great! God loves it. I love it. Life is good! Here's when I start to see a little bit differently than God, the one who's holding and drawing that map of my life.
I'm walking along this little path, and all I can see ahead is that thing that I want. I start running towards it: thinking about it, preparing for it, expecting it. And then, a big wall just drops down right in front of it. BOOM. The path suddenly starts leading me to the side. The wall made the path turn. Looking down the new path, I see a really, really dark forest. I can't see anything that remotely resembles what the wall blocked off; that thing that I wanted so much. Doesn't look promising.
I start to walk down this path. In some strange way, that wall keeps following me, all the while blocking off what I want.
OK, maybe omnipresent walls is where the analogy ends.
The point is, As I walk through this dark forest of my life, I keep wanting to bang my head against that wall. To fight for what I want. To somehow break through the difficulty. To make it through and carry out my plan for my life after all.
Meanwhile, God is watching me writhe in discontentment and disappointment, and then looks over farther down that path that I'm walking down. There's a wonderful surprise up there. A "light at the end of the tunnel." THERE IS ONE!!!!!! There is one. And God is guiding me to it. It's OK to leave my "wonderful" plan behind, because there's something so much better than that up ahead. Something better than that! It must be really something!!!! I'm reminded of a quote from Corrie ten Boom about God guiding us: "If God sends us on strong paths, we are provided strong shoes." God knows we can't do this alone. He knows!
'Cause you have a much better purpose
And You have a far greater plan
And You have a bigger perspective
'Cause You hold this world in Your hands
Please realize that I really am struggling. I'm not quite to the point where I can believe totally and completely that God has something better ahead for me. That's partly why I'm writing this all down; to impregnate myself in this truth. It's hard to let go of my plan. So very hard. But I know God will get me there. And he will also help me to not entertain any doubts about his plan for me. He will help me to trust that there is nothing better than what he has prepared for me to do.
The things that I seek are from You
Like the strong healing touch of Your hand
But when You say no, help me trust even though
There's a reason I can't understand
I'd like to think of Job, and the way he responded to his trials. (In case you are not familiar with the story of Job in the Bible, Job was a man who lost literally everything he had, even his health, as a test from God. Because God loved Job!) Though Job was experiencing deep pain and heartache, he said, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” That's the way I want to respond! God can help me do that.
There will come a time when I'm through that dark forest and at the wonderful surprise. Right now, by the power of God, I'm choosing to look to Jesus and not lose perspective. I'm choosing to believe that what's up ahead is incredibly good. I'm deciding, should God see fit to have me experience another tribulation farther along in my life, that I will bless his name and believe that he is wonderful and sovereign, regardless of how I'm feeling.
Aren't you glad that God doesn't fluctuate with our emotions? I sure am.
That's my story. That's where I am right now. I know, as Chris Tomlin's lovely song, "How Can I Keep From Singing" says, "I know I am loved by the King, and it makes my heart want to sing!" By God's grace, I "can sing in my troubled times." There's no reason for me to be cast down; I'm simply adjusting to a plan-change. While this is painful, it is not too painful for my Father to handle. He can carry my burdens for me. He wants to.
Please be encouraged by the truth in this post; not that anything I wrote is so very spectacular. God gave me this post. He made the words flow out of my fingertips and onto the keyboard so that I can hopefully bless all of my readers. We are all on a journey; a pilgrimage. We're all going to face sloughs of despond and valleys of the shadow of death. But God's our Father, and we're alive and strong in him! And we can look forward to everlasting relief from trials in heaven. Forever happiness.
When that miracle comes 'cause Your answer is yes
I will praise You for all of my days
But when Your wisdom declares that a no is best
I will praise You just the same
"Waiting Room" by Jonny Diaz
God bless you!
-Sarah :)
But now thus says the Lord,
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.
I give Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in exchange for you.
Because you are precious in my eyes,
and honored, and I love you,
I give men in return for you,
peoples in exchange for your life.
Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
and from the west I will gather you.
I will say to the north, Give up,
and to the south, Do not withhold;
bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the end of the earth,
everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
