on chemistry and how I learned (ahem: AM LEARNING) to enjoy life.

     Because we live in a fallen, broken, corrupt world, we get our fair share of confusion and panic and misery. That's how it is.
     If you know me, you know I absolutely CAN NOT STAND confusion. Being confused about something (especially school and homework deadlines) drives me up the wall. So when I wasn't spending the time I should have on Chemistry and consequently becoming confused, I slowly sank into misery. And then I failed a test and wasn't able to take another one because of internet problems.
     I'm going to be completely honest with you: I'm failing Chemistry. That scares me. I was behind on homework, and one day I was sitting in a class that wasn't even Chemistry (online, in my room), and I just had a panic attack about my Chemistry homework.

It's too much. Way. Too. Much. I'll never get it done and I'll never get my grade up and I'll never understand the material and AHHHH!!!!

     I put up my little "away" emoticon to let my teacher know that I had stepped away and ran downstairs to my mom, where I yelled and cried and panicked about Chemistry. She helped me calm down and told me not to think about it while I was in another class. One thing at a time, Sarah! 
     Soon after that episode, my mom told me that I was going to drop my Chemistry class and take it as an "independent study course" instead. Basically that means I would listen to recordings of the live class had taken before and do the work at my own pace.
     I was ambivalent about this decision. I knew it would be better for me, and I was excited about that part. But at the same time...

Wow, Sarah, you can't handle the fast pace of a normal, high school Chemistry course? What kind of student are you, anyway? Look at all your friends. Look how great they're doing in school. What's wrong with you?

     Then my Chemistry teacher called my home phone. You know it's not good when you're getting calls from the teacher, right? Yeeeah. Apparently, she had no idea I was planning to move to independent study (glitch in communication, I guess). She wished I would stay in her class because she liked my participation (however much I was able to give with my confused knowledge of the subject in question), but understood how much work I had (six other classes) and how independent study would be helpful (I used so many parentheses in this paragraph).
     I had talked to my parents beforehand and told them I would really like to catch up and boost my grade and stay in class. I told my teacher that on the phone, and she said I could do it if I put in the time and concentration. So, we talked about ways I could catch up. And I'm back in the game, folks!

     It's been so crazy this past week with all of this happening. I'm learning time management even when I thought I had it down, or I thought I should have it down, and I'm learning that I don't have to live a stressful, panicky, school-filled life. I'm trying Chemistry again, and I'm determined that it will not go down like the first two months of it did.

     Speaking of not living a stress and school-filled life, I'm going to a football game tonight with my youth group. Please take opportunities to do fun things in your life, especially if you are bogged down with school or work. God wants to enjoy life and enjoy him, and I'm not going to let school get in the way of that.

     Moral of the story: Hakuna Matata. God has it all worked out. :)

s

giving

     My blogger friend Davi posted something recently on her blog about our weaknesses bringing us closer to Jesus. You should go read her post (busy high school students mooching off of other bloggers for the win! ;)), but she got me thinking about it. Like it usually happens (me being a "church kid;" someone who grew up learning all of the right answers), I had already heard this truth. But I think God pulled another layer off of it this morning and delivered it to me anew. He reminded me of this passage: 

So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

"So to keep me from being conceited..."

"a thorn..."

"grace is sufficient."

SUFFICIENT.

sufficient. enough. all I need. 

I'm weak right now. So very, very weak. 

But right now, right at this very moment, I'M LETTING GO.

I can't do it! I just can't! But God can. He's the one who is SUPPOSED to be doing it, after all.

I'm letting it all go. I don't care if I have a paper and a chemistry assignment due on friday. I don't care if I'm behind on reading. I don't care if I'm getting a low grade in math. His grace is sufficient. I'm not going to fix my problems by myself, because that's impossible. So why try? 

God = Success. 

Success, meaning... living the life that God wants you to live. Davi also said in her post that stress can sometimes mimic the effects of being poisoned. I'm not going to live like that anymore.

Giving all of my circumstances to God means:

I'm giving up stress.

I'm giving up the false security that comes from trying to control it all myself.

I'm giving up sleeplessness.

I'm giving up not eating because I'm too busy.

I'm giving up cramming.

I'm giving up bad grades.

I'm giving up poorly managed relationships.

I'm giving up serving myself.

I'm ready for freedom. 

Do you have something you need to give to God? If so, I encourage you to do so right now. This very moment. It's scary, losing control of something. I know! I know. But freedom is on the other side of that fear. 

Sarah

 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.

Galatians 5:1