so many things to think about

     Hi, friends. Haven't written in awhile. It's not that I've been in a spiritual "low" or anything, it's just been daily life. Living, working, resting, movie-watching (a lot of that lately; I saw Monster's University last night and I loved it, haha), and LOTS of reading (for a summer class and preparation for next school year! Ahh!).
     And I've been learning. About life. My outlook on it, what to do with it, and just life in general. I've realized that I tend to look at life in a glass-half-empty sort of way, and I've been praying and trying to live more positively. I've been inspired to go to bed early and wake up early, which... well, it'll happen soon (I hope). ;)
     The biggest thing, though, is what to do. I'm going into my junior year of highschool, and I'm nearing that time when I have to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I've prayed and thought about it, and I think I have a pretty good plan. But it's funny; as soon as I feel comfortable in this plan of mine, God leaves eleven different ideas for "plans' in my mind. I want to do them all (some more than others), and then I'm not so sure anymore. Plans change, but it would be so much easier if they didn't. It's at this time in my life that I'm reminded to hold on to God and let him lead me wherever he chooses.
     I'm filled with a sort of wanderlust; not just for traveling (although that is certainly there), but also a longing for change. For new surroundings. High school is a blast (if a messy, confusing one), and I don't want it to go any faster than it is. But at the same time... college, and independence are calling me. Being able to drive (I have my permit! So close.) sounds reeeally good right now. I'm in that place that I think all teenagers come to at one time or another; that need for independence and decision-making. I'll be honest, it's hard to have parents telling me what to do. It's this weird mix of being grateful that I have them (because deep inside I KNOW I'm not ready for independence!), and this longing to get out there and do things on my own. I'm so glad that God has given me the ability to be content with where I am right now, without taking away my hopes and dreams for the future. God is good. :)
   
So, in a nutshell, that's what I've been learning about life. So many things to think about.

Sarah :)

fiery trial part 6 (blessings)

     We pray for blessings, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering

     

     As I continue further along the path of suffering, it's easy for me to focus my attention on how I am being disappointed again and again. It's easy to give up trying to be strong – trying to make it through. 

     Far too easy. And far too tempting.

I want what I want, and I want God to give it to me! Why should I try to conform my will to his, when I'm sure he can't know best?

All the while You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

The thing is, he does know best. I have to believe that. I am starting to, but it's hard. I would even be tempted to say it's too hard.

     But even as I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I have been depending too much on my own strength to make it through this trial. What makes me think I can carry myself through something I didn't even bring about? Am I that full of myself, that I would assign that much power to myself? It's a problem all Christians face at one time or another. We try to handle things by ourselves. But we can't handle things by ourselves. 

     It's not my place to take over; to be sovereign. It is my place, however, to fill myself with Jesus, who is sovereign, and with the power that he gives me to walk through my suffering. Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” I will not stop putting my hope and trust in Jesus. I know he will fight for me. 

     I know that what I am experiencing will result in his blessings. He will give me something much greater than anything I could ever imagine. I must believe that. I must keep my eyes on Jesus. 

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

And what if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise?

     I look forward to the wonderful things God has in store for me. I pray that he will give me the strength and wisdom to keep walking in the path he has set for me, without looking back. It is exhausting to think about the whys of the doings of God; he is incomprehensible, and as such, I will not try to understand his reasons for directing my life the way he does. 

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear

We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

     It's all that I can do to keep these beliefs from dashing to pieces. I have to fight to keep my eyes on Jesus. But I'm fighting with his power, not my own. Romans 8:31 says, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" I sing songs about God's love for me and his sovereignty, sometimes just to remind my doubting heart that it's true. 

     It is true, even if that seems hopelessly preposterous. It's not. There is a purpose, and God is working all things out for my good because I love him. 

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst

This world can't satisfy?

     And so, I lean on Jesus, knowing that he loves me and that he wants and intends to bless me. "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” - Lamentations 3:22-24. 

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

 Are Your mercies in disguise?

Blessings - Laura Story

-Sarah :)