late night musings on perfection

I saw something tonight that read: "I don't want perfect, I want honest."

And I thought, yes, that is a good thing to want. I like that.

But then I thought, is this true? Is honest what people really want in a friend, a lover, a sibling, a parent?

I think so, yes. No one wants to be lied to. No one wants someone who fakes to please them or exaggerates the truth. No one likes downright lies.

I even think that people would - and do - say "I don't want perfect." Someone having faults is what makes them human. No one wants someone who is so flawless in comparison to them that they look like a loser. "Perfect" people are hard to relate to.

My question, though, is: what do people say in their heads? Heads are funny things. Many times they does not agree with what the mouths thinks is good to pronounce. So when people say "I don't want perfect," I think the head is saying "I. want. perfect."

What else would move people to judge others? What else instills expectations of other people? Why else would it be hard to forgive?

There is hurt, and then there is a mistake. One of the most beneficial things a human being can do for himself is to recognize them both.

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accepting imperfection

Well, I rounded the corner.

     To tell you the truth, I knew this trial would be different from last time. Last time, God gave me hard circumstances, and through that, I learned and grew and was sanctified. This time, I'm learning and growing in normal circumstances. It's starting inside this time. God has shown me something that I implied in this post - a longing to be perfect.

     I know what you're probably thinking: "Duh, Sarah, everyone wants to be perfect!" But I think most Christians have accepted that they sin, but they are forgiven by what Jesus did on the cross. And I do believe that, to be sure! But I struggle, still. And I don't think this struggle is just the "usual" self-sufficient feeling that Christians get.

     Like when I'm driving with my dad (I've got my learner's permit and I'm working on getting enough hours to get my license). I'm still learning to drive, so obviously I'm going to have to take direction from my dad, right?

     Even if he just reminds me to put my turn signal on, I'll get all defensive, like "yeah, I was going to do that."

     It's an extremely limiting, imprisoning way to live. And I'm having a hard time because I want to admit when I'm wrong, and be okay with taking direction. But I have insecurities and I've let the devil get his foot into those insecurities. So now I'm on a journey with God, and he's going to free me. Eventually. And I'll learn from it and be blessed by it.

     I'm so blessed already. When I embarked on that first trial last year, I had no idea what was happening to me. There I was, in the worst possible circumstances I could imagine, and I was desperate. I have learned so much in the past year. So much. And now I'm using what I've learned about trials this time around.

     It's still so, so hard. It wouldn't be a trial if it wasn't. I'm able to face this with a lot more optimism and hope, though.

     I'm going to leave you with some lyrics from "You Speak," another song from Audrey Assad's new album, "Fortunate Fall." This album is gold I tell you.

// You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos /
From the chains of a lesser law You set me free //

- Sarah <3