on and on and on and on it goes

God's love. Infinite, eternal, unconditional, perfect, superlative.

     I've always believed that. I've taken it for granted, really. I've sung and believed Jesus Loves Me for as long as I can remember. I never thought it was something that I "struggled" with. Sure, I struggled with other things, but knowing God loves me? Naw. Never. That's easy to believe.
     Or is it?
Recently, as I have grappled with the merciless unrelenting taskmaster that is school, as well as other areas of my life that require self-discipline, I've failed again and again. It's inevitable. I'm human, I like to think I'm self-sufficient, and I start to wonder unconsciously whether God still loves me after I've failed to read such and such a book for school or go to bed at a reasonable hour. I say "unconsciously" because until a maybe a week ago, I didn't realize I was doubting God's love for me. I knew something was wrong but wasn't sure what. And even when I realized it initially, I prayed about it and then kind of forgot about it. But just last weekend I went to Planet Wisdom, a Christian student conference, with my youth group. It was an amazing time of learning about all kinds of relationships, laughing much and often, and worshipping with amazing songs and an amazing band. One of the songs in particular, "One Thing" by Jesus Culture, really hit me hard. I'm talking on my knees, crying kind of "hit me hard." The Holy Spirit literally inside of me "hit me hard."

Higher than the mountains that I face

Stronger than the power of the grave

Constant through the trial and the change

One thing remains

One thing remains

Your love never fails 

it never gives up 

it never runs out on me

On and on and on and on it goes

It overwhelms and satisfies my soul

And I never ever have to be afraid

One thing remains

Your love never fails 

it never gives up 

it never runs out on me

In death and in life I'm confident and covered by the power of your great love

My debt is paid there's nothing that can separate my heart from your great love

The part I put in bold was IT. God's love goes on and on and on and that I never have to be afraid? I thought I knew that, but. . . wow. I always get overwhelmed when I sing that. It was God's way of showing me that he really does love me all the time, whatever I do, no matter WHAT. Unconditional. That's what it is. It's never ending, doesn't depend on anything I do or don't do. 

IT NEVER ENDS. 

EVER.

IN MY LIFE.

(It's always a good idea to use a (paraphrased) quote from "Up" to drive a point home).

But reeeally, it doesn't depend on how bad I'm doing (or how great I'm doing, on the other hand). The following lyrics from Jenny Simmon's song "This I Know" basically sums up the struggle of trusting God's love:

When it comes to being free, I am my own worst enemy

'Cause I can criticize every move I make

I've got a microscope on my mistakes

And I steal glory from the One who made me me

I know the words, but help me believe

Jesus loves me, this I know

And I know it's not because of anything I've done

This love is unconditional

So at my worst, and at my best

You don't love me less, you can't love me more

This I know for sure

Never worried or impressed by any failure or success

'Cause I know somehow, some way I'll make You smile

You can not help but love Your child

So I can sing this song to You

You never change your mind about it

And I don't know why I ever doubt it

     As it is always with God's promises, it's comforting to know that you are safe in God's love, and that he will NEVER leave you (insert selfsame "Up" quote here). 

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 

1 John 4:8

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 

1 John 4:18

-Sarah :)