"inexhaustible grace for an exhausted world."

     Last night I went to bed relatively early, hoping to catch up on the sleep I have not been able to get this week. But I couldn't sleep - exams were stressing me out. I felt sick and shaky. So my mom, being the superhero she is, gave me some homeopathic medicine (homeopathy FTW) and spent a good 15-20 minutes finding me a sermon that she liked for me to listen to. It's one by Tullian Tchividjian from this year's Liberate conference. 

     I may have started listening to it stressed out and nervous, but by the end of it I was completely relaxed. In this sermon, Mr. Tchividjian talks about "Inexhaustible Grace for an Exhausted World," a concept I have heard many times. I know that I need grace. I know that I can't do anything in my own strength, and I know that I don't have to. But there is something about the way he preaches that really hit it home for me. I realized things at 1:00 last night that I never realized before. And I was blessed. I'm taking on these last two days of exam with all the power of God in me because that sermon reminded me that I don't have to be anything without Jesus. He is where my identity lies. Not in my achievements. Not in how hard I study or when I get my exams done compared to everyone else in my school. Not in my grades. NOT IN MY GRADES. 

     I was able to identify with a lot of the struggles Mr. Tchividjian talked about in his sermon. I realized that I am exhausted - physically, emotionally... spiritually, even - and that it's okay because there is more than enough of God's inexhaustible grace. 

     It's a little over an hour long, but I encourage you watch it if you get the time. It really is incredible. 

It's Vimeo so I'm not sure how to share the video directly on here but here's the link: http://vimeo.com/87839633http://vimeo.com/87839633

Happy Thursday. It's almost the weekend. :)
s

P.S. Audrey Assad came out with a new EP, "Death, Be Not Proud," a few days ago. You really should check it out. :) 

the silence of the heart /\ somewhere

You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos

From the chains of a lesser law you set me free

---

In the silence of the heart you speak

  And it is there that I will know you and you will know me

---

You satisfy me till I am quiet and confident 

In the work of the spirit I cannot see

---

you speak - audrey assad

     So many things make our hearts noisy. So often our hearts are filled with so many things, all talking at once. And they are all talking about themselves. 
     
     The mind and the heart are closely connected. The mind thinks what the heart tells it to, and the heart believes anything it wants, even if the mind has no say in the matter. That is what is so terrible - and wonderful - about the heart. Its independence and instability and bravery and timidity and bigness. People say that someone has a "big" heart when they are a kind, thoughtful, friendly person. But they have it wrong. 

     Everyone's heart is big. Hearts are so big that we don't really know our way around even our own. I don't care how long you've lived - you don't completely know your way around your heart. We fill it with things, and we boot things out. Sometimes there are things in there that snuck in without our permission and won't leave, and sometimes we stand at the door and beg things to come in, but they refuse.

     In our hearts, we have tea with danger and passion and beauty and glory. We race three-legged with the Present and the Past. We lock ourselves in the coat closet of our heart, hiding from the Future. He's ringing the doorbell. I can't hide forever. I don't want to hide, but... I do want to. 

So much noise. 

Liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos. 

Liberate me.   

But keep me here. 

"Sometimes it takes more courage to stand still." - alf arless, lark rise to candleford

Just stand still and silence your heart. Clear everything out for awhile. Smash your doorbell and lock the door. Give the key to God for safekeeping. 

     Then you can have tea with God. You can three-legged race with God. You can hide in the coat-closet with God. He doesn't mind. You should know by now that he likes subtlety sometimes. Other times you'll do things with him that you didn't do with danger or passion. Or the Present. Or the Past. Or the Future (especially not the future). 

     You skydive. You bungee jump. You scuba dive without a license or lessons. You move to a hut in the desert and live on crickets. 

     And sometimes... sometimes, it feels like every single room in your heart is having carbon monoxide pumped into it. You don't see it. But you know it. It hurts. You clap your hand over your mouth and dash through every hallway, trying to find a pure room. It's like a maze. And then you find it.

     In that room, all is silence. The walls are white. And a voice speaks, clear as morning air, unfathomable as the Challenger Deep, solicitous as Someone who can not be boxed into a metaphor. 

     You will know him and he will know you, and all of the air in all of your heart will be purified. Soon, I promise. Right now, let him teach you to play the piano and carry you over the glass that broke on the floor. Let him talk. If you are really listening, you shouldn't have trouble with that. And don't be afraid to put in a word every so often. He loves that and he loves being in a silent place with you and really... really... he just loves you.

s
      

accepting imperfection

Well, I rounded the corner.

     To tell you the truth, I knew this trial would be different from last time. Last time, God gave me hard circumstances, and through that, I learned and grew and was sanctified. This time, I'm learning and growing in normal circumstances. It's starting inside this time. God has shown me something that I implied in this post - a longing to be perfect.

     I know what you're probably thinking: "Duh, Sarah, everyone wants to be perfect!" But I think most Christians have accepted that they sin, but they are forgiven by what Jesus did on the cross. And I do believe that, to be sure! But I struggle, still. And I don't think this struggle is just the "usual" self-sufficient feeling that Christians get.

     Like when I'm driving with my dad (I've got my learner's permit and I'm working on getting enough hours to get my license). I'm still learning to drive, so obviously I'm going to have to take direction from my dad, right?

     Even if he just reminds me to put my turn signal on, I'll get all defensive, like "yeah, I was going to do that."

     It's an extremely limiting, imprisoning way to live. And I'm having a hard time because I want to admit when I'm wrong, and be okay with taking direction. But I have insecurities and I've let the devil get his foot into those insecurities. So now I'm on a journey with God, and he's going to free me. Eventually. And I'll learn from it and be blessed by it.

     I'm so blessed already. When I embarked on that first trial last year, I had no idea what was happening to me. There I was, in the worst possible circumstances I could imagine, and I was desperate. I have learned so much in the past year. So much. And now I'm using what I've learned about trials this time around.

     It's still so, so hard. It wouldn't be a trial if it wasn't. I'm able to face this with a lot more optimism and hope, though.

     I'm going to leave you with some lyrics from "You Speak," another song from Audrey Assad's new album, "Fortunate Fall." This album is gold I tell you.

// You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos /
From the chains of a lesser law You set me free //

- Sarah <3 

    

    

I shall not want - another audrey assad post. ;)

     I know what you're thinking - there's been a lot of Audrey Assad going on around here lately. Haha. But she's so good, guys. This song of hers on her new album, called "I Shall Not Want," is AMAZING. The song and the lyrics are down below. It's so good. O_O Really.

- Sarah :D

From the love of my own comfort

From the fear of having nothing

From a life of worldly passions

Deliver me, Oh God

From a need to be understood

From a need to be accepted

From the fear of being lonely

Deliver me, Oh God

Deliver me, Oh God

And I shall not want

I shall not want

When I taste your goodness

I shall not want

When I taste your goodness

I shall not want

From the fear of serving others

From the fear of death or trial

From the fear of humility

Deliver me, Oh God

Deliver me, Oh God

I shall not want

I shall not want

When I taste your goodness

I shall not want

I shall not want

I shall not want

When I taste your goodness

I shall not want

When I taste your goodness

I shall not want

I shall not want

 

a nice thought

// Your love is wide open spaces where I can run //

(ought to be - audrey assad)

audrey assad's new album - coming out august 13th!

     I've mentioned Audrey Assad before here on the blog. I love her music, and she's coming out with a new album really soon! Here's the new single from the album. It's called "Good to Me." I love it.

audrey assad

     I'm sorry the blog has been slow. I feel like I would be repeating myself and pretty much every other school-aged blogger to say why, so I'm not going to. Anyway, while I'm waiting for time to write a post of some substance, here's my latest music discovery. Audrey Assad. Particularly her newest album, "Heart."

     She's an amazing Christian artist and songwriter (not to mention her absolutely incredible voice). If you want to, check her out on Grooveshark or iTunes or something and let me know what you think of her! :) Below are the lyrics to one of her songs, "Sparrow." (you can listen to it here.)

Why should I be lonely

Long for heaven and home

When Jesus is my portion

And a constant Friend I know

I sing because I'm happy

I sing because I'm free

For his eye is on the sparrow

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know he's watching me

Why should I be troubled 

When his tender voice I hear

Know I rest in his goodness

In my doubt and in my fear

I sing because I'm happy

I sing because I'm free

For his eye is on the sparrow

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know. . .

I sing because I'm happy

I sing because I'm free

For his eye is on the sparrow

His eye is on the sparrow

His eye is on the sparrow

And I know he's watching me

He's watching me

He's watching you

He's watching me