I resolve.

Monthlaaaay Resolutions!

I've seen some bloggers do it before, and I always enjoyed reading about their journey in growing and setting goals. It wasn't for me, however. "Too legalistic." "Don't obey the schedule, make the schedule obey you" or whatever. I realize now, though, that I was living in a mediocre mindset (more on that later).

I need goals. Goals compel you to strive. To reach further. I'm all for spontaneity, but sometimes one must plan to live before one actually does the thing.

So that is why I am starting monthly resolutions. We're a week into April already, but I'll still be doing April resolutions. They will mostly be based on what I have been trying to do or have been thinking about doing in the past week and before that.

I am going to make a point of not including anything school-related into these monthly posts, because while school is a big part of my life, it isn't the most important. I feel often as if the way I approach the workload part of school takes away some of my quality of life (indeed, at some points it has taken all of it). I don't want it weaseling it's way into these goals that will allow me to grow as a person, not merely a scholar in the world of grades and papers and percentages.

I also won't be assigning a terribly large amount to myself each month. I know what I'm capable of, and I also know how it feels when I hardly get anything done on any given to-do list or checklist of goals. 

So, without further ado, my resolutions for (the rest of) April. I only have two this time, and they might seem generic, but I feel that I can really grow in these areas and I am excited to start working on them. They may or may not become recurring goals in future months. At the end of each month, I will post a sort of recap to let you all know how I did.

happy tuesday to you. :)
s

today has been a pretty good day so far and I'll tell you why.

EVERYONE ALWAYS SAYS. It's the little things.

But it reeeeally is people.

Maybe it's just because I am one of those blessed human beings who are apparently unable to successfully process their feelings at any given point in time. When the joy is neatly sectioned into little jewels throughout the day, it makes it easier to appreciate every bit of it. Plus it's a Monday so I needed to be able to find the joy in the Monday-ness. :P

Oh wait that's everyone. So yeah.

It's the little things. So far, today:

• Woke up early because I was cold,  and then strategically placed the blankets to maximize the heat being generated.

• My Latin teacher was feeling especially chatty and telling lots of stories in class. I also am pretty sure I aced the vocab quiz.

• Took my little brother to the park and sang "Traveling Soldier" by the Dixie Chicks, except it was our version. He sings "Traveling Shoulder" anyway, so we inserted words like "kitty" and "Jude" and "Sarah" in and laughed our heads off.

• My mom told me she'd make banana bread.

• I had little revelations here and there today - I don't care what my body looks like. It feels nice to share yourself with someone and to be selfless. Life should be filled with funny things because laughing is VITAL.

I'm excited about life right now. Coming back to this little blog soon with more of my dreams and plans and revelations.

s

death is death.

"It kills me sometimes, how people die." 

- Markus Zusak

There is no feeling quite as surreal and sobering as realizing that while you are immersed in happy routine, someone else has descended into the very lowest part of the valley; realizing that your five minutes of monotone is someone else's test.

There is also no feeling quite waiting for news. Waiting for your fears to be confirmed or denied. Waiting to find out if someone has run the last steps of their race and has made it to the finish line. Sometimes it hits suddenly and the only thing your heart feels for awhile after is the impact of the blow, like if a soccer ball hits you in the face and after it's gone you still feel like it's there.

I have never been in the position of having someone die who was very close to me. I have, however, experienced how death in one's broad, general circle of friends can ripple through and take a piece of everyone's heart. It's one of those things that doesn't depend on many factors. Death is death. That's all.

So when death springs up from it's lair to deliver a blow, it brings with it deep-seated fears and anxieties. Sometimes it brings unbridled terror. It comes like a phantom in the night; like a draft of cold air that makes you shiver despite your heavy clothing. And it never, ever leaves you untouched. It doesn't matter what the situation. Death is death.

And God is Life.

Death was defeated when Jesus resurrected, and it will be defeated for eternity when Jesus returns to take his own to eternal felicity. Happy, happy thought.

I don't know what I'd do without hope, because death is awful.

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

- Revelation 21:4

 

s

seeking beauty

I know I've been posting a lot of New Years themed posts, but I'm inspired by the new beginning I have and I'm excited about the changes I'm planning to make not only in my lifestyle, but in my head and my heart. 

---

I figured out what I want. I want beauty.

What a shallow definition of this word I have held recently! How unwilling I have been to truly seek it!

But I'm ready to seek it now. I want it. I ache for a truly beautiful life. A truly happy life. I look to God and see it in him; I look at his creation, and I look at work. Hard work. Oh, how beautiful work is! I think coming out of Christmas break has taught me that. I'm ready to not slack off or give less than my best.

My theme for this year is to seek beauty. It dawned on me suddenly, as I was sitting in Latin class copying down translations. It didn't announce itself with drums and trumpets. It was like waking up in the morning, sitting up in bed, and not feeling the least bit tired. Just refreshed with this new and glorious ambition to find beauty wherever I can.

Here's to a beautiful two thousand and fourteen.

s

my life, currently.

one) Jesus loves to hear from you and he's omnipotent - never underestimate the power of prayer.

two) watch good movies and read good books, and you should be okay.

three) conversations over dinner with friends can be life changing.

four) beauty is good for the soul.

five) for every good quote you read, try to make up your own "quote." be a giver as well as receiver.

six) do things if you feel like you are too tired/busy to do them. it's always worth it.

seven) parking garages are awesome.

eight) my life is going according to plan. HIS plan. nothing to worry about.

nine) ambitions are lovely things to have.

ten) a christmas tree in my house + 80% chance of snow today = a happy, happy girl right here.

eleven) I would explode without dreams.

twelve) something about dressing up and sitting in a cathedral listening to Handel's Messiah makes me so happy. you should try it sometime.

thirteen) everyone has bad hair days, they are usually just good at hiding them. don't feel bad.

fourteen) having an intense desire for chocolate is perfectly normal. embrace it.

fifteen) poetry is my favorite.

sixteen) GOD IS ASLKFJA;GLJKALGJASLGAJGA;

seventeen) the year I'm turning in four months! ahh!

s

the silence of the heart /\ somewhere

You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos

From the chains of a lesser law you set me free

---

In the silence of the heart you speak

  And it is there that I will know you and you will know me

---

You satisfy me till I am quiet and confident 

In the work of the spirit I cannot see

---

you speak - audrey assad

     So many things make our hearts noisy. So often our hearts are filled with so many things, all talking at once. And they are all talking about themselves. 
     
     The mind and the heart are closely connected. The mind thinks what the heart tells it to, and the heart believes anything it wants, even if the mind has no say in the matter. That is what is so terrible - and wonderful - about the heart. Its independence and instability and bravery and timidity and bigness. People say that someone has a "big" heart when they are a kind, thoughtful, friendly person. But they have it wrong. 

     Everyone's heart is big. Hearts are so big that we don't really know our way around even our own. I don't care how long you've lived - you don't completely know your way around your heart. We fill it with things, and we boot things out. Sometimes there are things in there that snuck in without our permission and won't leave, and sometimes we stand at the door and beg things to come in, but they refuse.

     In our hearts, we have tea with danger and passion and beauty and glory. We race three-legged with the Present and the Past. We lock ourselves in the coat closet of our heart, hiding from the Future. He's ringing the doorbell. I can't hide forever. I don't want to hide, but... I do want to. 

So much noise. 

Liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos. 

Liberate me.   

But keep me here. 

"Sometimes it takes more courage to stand still." - alf arless, lark rise to candleford

Just stand still and silence your heart. Clear everything out for awhile. Smash your doorbell and lock the door. Give the key to God for safekeeping. 

     Then you can have tea with God. You can three-legged race with God. You can hide in the coat-closet with God. He doesn't mind. You should know by now that he likes subtlety sometimes. Other times you'll do things with him that you didn't do with danger or passion. Or the Present. Or the Past. Or the Future (especially not the future). 

     You skydive. You bungee jump. You scuba dive without a license or lessons. You move to a hut in the desert and live on crickets. 

     And sometimes... sometimes, it feels like every single room in your heart is having carbon monoxide pumped into it. You don't see it. But you know it. It hurts. You clap your hand over your mouth and dash through every hallway, trying to find a pure room. It's like a maze. And then you find it.

     In that room, all is silence. The walls are white. And a voice speaks, clear as morning air, unfathomable as the Challenger Deep, solicitous as Someone who can not be boxed into a metaphor. 

     You will know him and he will know you, and all of the air in all of your heart will be purified. Soon, I promise. Right now, let him teach you to play the piano and carry you over the glass that broke on the floor. Let him talk. If you are really listening, you shouldn't have trouble with that. And don't be afraid to put in a word every so often. He loves that and he loves being in a silent place with you and really... really... he just loves you.

s
      

being the whole person God wants me to be, on the internet and otherwise

Hi, lovely readers.

     As you know, I am a devoted Christian and follower and lover of Jesus. You also know that I face struggles and trials at times, and also have really good days. You'd probably say you know me pretty well from just reading my blog.

     Two and a half years ago, I started Rejoice Always. I was younger and newer to this whole blogging thing, and so my dad put restrictions on me. I told him I wanted to blog my spiritual life, and he said "Okay, as long as that's all you blog about." Just so I didn't write my social security number or, you know, random stuff on here. Just to be safe.

     And this blog has been so, SO good for me. I have been able to share things with you that encourage you, whilst using it as an outlet for my writing and to open my heart. Jesus is the single most important thing to me in life, and as such, it's fitting that if I were to talk about only one thing on a blog, he would be it.

     But I have a whole, complete, rounded, full life, just like you all. I have interests, hobbies, insecurities, fears, loves, experiences, good cries, and secrets, just like you all. And as the most important thing in my life, Jesus illuminates all of them.

     So, sometime in the future, I will be leaving this little blog. I am so very sad to see it go, but I need another, bigger outlet (so no, I am not stopping blogging altogether). I hope you, my wonderful readers and friends, will follow me there. It won't be an "everything-in-my-life-but-Jesus-because-I-haven't-talked-about-that-in-two-and-a-half-years" blog. By no means will it be that. I will talk about Jesus just as much as I do here at Rejoice Always, because he is my life. Things won't really be changing, as far as blogging goes.

     But there will be more. Because I believe my life is unique and beautiful, just like everyone's lives are. I believe that God has given me a wonderful purpose in this world; a purpose only I, Sarah, can fulfill. I love writing, so I think blogging is the way to share that purpose with the world. I need to get out there because people might need to hear what I need to say. 

     I know what you're probably thinking: "But, Sarah, you are already sharing things that people might need to hear!" I know. This change is not only for my readers, but also for me. I need an outlet for my creativity and my heart and my imagination and my overflowing love for Jesus. I need to be who I am - all of who I am, on the internet, at home, at church, with my friends, at the zoo, on airplanes - everywhere. I can't show you part of me (or even the most important thing to me) without all the rest of it. I don't want to show you an idealized version of my life. Or even if it isn't idealized, it doesn't show the whole picture. I want you, my readers, to see all of me. Because I have something to say.

     Like I said, I hope you will follow me to my new internet home. I will still keep this blog up so that I don't lose the work of the last two and half years, and Rejoice Always will always be very, very close to my heart. I have made so many memories here and met some lovely people. I don't know when this move will be happening exactly - it probably won't come to fruition for quite some time. There are still so many things to think about But I wanted to let you know. About what I think of freedom, and living life for real.

I hope this all makes sense. I don't want you to think I will be doing things a lot differently than I already do... it's hard to explain. Thanks for sticking with me. :) I love you all.

-Sarah
     

what pride of the yankees taught me

     I just watched Pride of the Yankees - that delightful forties film about the Yankees baseball star, Lou Gehrig. It's one of the very few movies that actually make me cry. And it really made me think, as well.
     Because, unlike Lou Gehrig, most of us don't have any idea when we are going to die. We often live monotonously, saying "I'll just get to that tomorrow" or "I have plenty of time for that!"
     The truth is, we have no idea if we have time for that. Only God knows the number of our days, and because of that, we need to live every day to the fullest we possibly can. I know I sound like a broken record. But if you were told you were going to die in three years, wouldn't you try to get angry less, and to love people more, and to not procrastinate as much?
     Like that song by Tim McGraw; "Live Like You Were Dying." Like Lou Gehrig, who was told he didn't have long to live, so he took each moment seriously and carefully, and put all of the love and joy and thought that he could into each day.
      All that said, we shouldn't live in fear of the day we die. After all, as Christians, "for to me to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21). And "for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control"(2 Timothy 1:7). We have one beautiful life on earth, and we shouldn't waste it by putting things off and letting moments slip by.

That's what Pride of the Yankees taught me.

Happy Sunday, folks. :)
-Sarah
    

so many things to think about

     Hi, friends. Haven't written in awhile. It's not that I've been in a spiritual "low" or anything, it's just been daily life. Living, working, resting, movie-watching (a lot of that lately; I saw Monster's University last night and I loved it, haha), and LOTS of reading (for a summer class and preparation for next school year! Ahh!).
     And I've been learning. About life. My outlook on it, what to do with it, and just life in general. I've realized that I tend to look at life in a glass-half-empty sort of way, and I've been praying and trying to live more positively. I've been inspired to go to bed early and wake up early, which... well, it'll happen soon (I hope). ;)
     The biggest thing, though, is what to do. I'm going into my junior year of highschool, and I'm nearing that time when I have to figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I've prayed and thought about it, and I think I have a pretty good plan. But it's funny; as soon as I feel comfortable in this plan of mine, God leaves eleven different ideas for "plans' in my mind. I want to do them all (some more than others), and then I'm not so sure anymore. Plans change, but it would be so much easier if they didn't. It's at this time in my life that I'm reminded to hold on to God and let him lead me wherever he chooses.
     I'm filled with a sort of wanderlust; not just for traveling (although that is certainly there), but also a longing for change. For new surroundings. High school is a blast (if a messy, confusing one), and I don't want it to go any faster than it is. But at the same time... college, and independence are calling me. Being able to drive (I have my permit! So close.) sounds reeeally good right now. I'm in that place that I think all teenagers come to at one time or another; that need for independence and decision-making. I'll be honest, it's hard to have parents telling me what to do. It's this weird mix of being grateful that I have them (because deep inside I KNOW I'm not ready for independence!), and this longing to get out there and do things on my own. I'm so glad that God has given me the ability to be content with where I am right now, without taking away my hopes and dreams for the future. God is good. :)
   
So, in a nutshell, that's what I've been learning about life. So many things to think about.

Sarah :)