grace, grace, and more grace // an article

I'm pretty much in exam mode until next Friday. My mom read this article to my sisters and brother and I this morning with that in mind, and it was exactly what I needed. It's all about grace (and it's by Tullian Tchividjian, so it automatically wins). Enjoy. :)

http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tullian/2013/12/13/grace-grace-and-more-grace/

s

love them... please.

As Christians, we are called to love everyone.

     So why do we have such a hard time with that? I know, loving is hard. It's hard for me too. I'm sort of zoning in on the lost celebrities of our time. There's Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, One Direction, Taylor Swift... the list goes on. They get so much hate because they are lost, and it makes me sad.

     Christians! Wake up! You are supposed to LOVE the lost. How does it reflect upon Jesus when all you do is yap about how terrible celebrities are and the horrible things they do? I get that they do some pretty sinful things. I'm not saying to tolerate them. I'm saying to love them.

     Love is patient and kind. Don't be so comfortable in your little Christianity bubble that you are shocked and dismayed and feel the need to tell the world your opinion on the latest celeb news. We're all people. We all fall down and we all need help. The only difference between Christians and unbelievers is that we have that help. You were once an unbeliever, so get off of your high horse and start loving.

     I understand that we are to think of ourselves as royalty - we are sons and daughters of the King! All this is true and healthy to be thinking about. We are in Christ. We are loved unconditionally by the only One who matters. We have hope of eternal felicity in heaven.

So...?

Love. Love as Christ loves.

     Seriously. I'm tired of hearing - One Direction, for example - get hate just because they are that new boy band that tons of girls are freaking out over. PEOPLE. They are a talented group of singers. Christians these days can't even say they like a secular band without being judged for it! It needs to stop. We need to give people the benefit of the doubt. You can enjoy someone's music without supporting their moral standards. And you can love someone like Christ loves them without supporting their moral standards. And you can pray for them. Also, it wouldn't hurt to be able to recognize talent when it passes you on the street. ;)

I'm sorry if this got super passionate... but there it is.

s

the silence of the heart /\ somewhere

You liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos

From the chains of a lesser law you set me free

---

In the silence of the heart you speak

  And it is there that I will know you and you will know me

---

You satisfy me till I am quiet and confident 

In the work of the spirit I cannot see

---

you speak - audrey assad

     So many things make our hearts noisy. So often our hearts are filled with so many things, all talking at once. And they are all talking about themselves. 
     
     The mind and the heart are closely connected. The mind thinks what the heart tells it to, and the heart believes anything it wants, even if the mind has no say in the matter. That is what is so terrible - and wonderful - about the heart. Its independence and instability and bravery and timidity and bigness. People say that someone has a "big" heart when they are a kind, thoughtful, friendly person. But they have it wrong. 

     Everyone's heart is big. Hearts are so big that we don't really know our way around even our own. I don't care how long you've lived - you don't completely know your way around your heart. We fill it with things, and we boot things out. Sometimes there are things in there that snuck in without our permission and won't leave, and sometimes we stand at the door and beg things to come in, but they refuse.

     In our hearts, we have tea with danger and passion and beauty and glory. We race three-legged with the Present and the Past. We lock ourselves in the coat closet of our heart, hiding from the Future. He's ringing the doorbell. I can't hide forever. I don't want to hide, but... I do want to. 

So much noise. 

Liberate me from my own noise and my own chaos. 

Liberate me.   

But keep me here. 

"Sometimes it takes more courage to stand still." - alf arless, lark rise to candleford

Just stand still and silence your heart. Clear everything out for awhile. Smash your doorbell and lock the door. Give the key to God for safekeeping. 

     Then you can have tea with God. You can three-legged race with God. You can hide in the coat-closet with God. He doesn't mind. You should know by now that he likes subtlety sometimes. Other times you'll do things with him that you didn't do with danger or passion. Or the Present. Or the Past. Or the Future (especially not the future). 

     You skydive. You bungee jump. You scuba dive without a license or lessons. You move to a hut in the desert and live on crickets. 

     And sometimes... sometimes, it feels like every single room in your heart is having carbon monoxide pumped into it. You don't see it. But you know it. It hurts. You clap your hand over your mouth and dash through every hallway, trying to find a pure room. It's like a maze. And then you find it.

     In that room, all is silence. The walls are white. And a voice speaks, clear as morning air, unfathomable as the Challenger Deep, solicitous as Someone who can not be boxed into a metaphor. 

     You will know him and he will know you, and all of the air in all of your heart will be purified. Soon, I promise. Right now, let him teach you to play the piano and carry you over the glass that broke on the floor. Let him talk. If you are really listening, you shouldn't have trouble with that. And don't be afraid to put in a word every so often. He loves that and he loves being in a silent place with you and really... really... he just loves you.

s
      

.

For those who want it so bad, but can't have it.

For those who feel the need to fight.

For those who desperately want the storm to be over. 

For those who kick and scream and prolong the storm willingly.

For those who feel so lost, and forget what still waters and green pastures are.

For those who feel like their drowning in lies. 

For those who can't stop.

For those who are confused, and lonely, and terribly frightened.

For those who's eyes are swollen and red and stinging from crying so much. 

For the weak, the thirsty, the empty.



When you feel like you're over your head in lies and deception, being tossed every which way by the terribly rough and choppy Sea that is life on this broken earth - pray through Psalm 23. I promise you it will restore your soul. I promise. Allow the peace to fill you and don't fight anymore.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness

for his name's sake.  

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me. 

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies; 

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life, 

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.

Psalm 23

where I am right now

Do you ever feel unsatisfied with yourself?
     I don't necessarily mean the pretty much ever-present feeling that you'd like a different nose, or you want to get more sleep at night, or whatever. I mean an overwhelming desire to change multiple aspects of your life.
     Sometimes I stop and think about everything I'm doing wrong - I'm not going to bed early enough, I'm not doing my homework on time (or I'm cramming and not doing my best), I'm not getting up early enough in the morning, I don't have all the clothes I want, my income is scanty ($64 a month dissolves so easily and quickly, somehow). I don't think of others enough. I complain a lot. I don't have as much energy as I want to have. I don't exercise enough. I'm not completely satisfied with my appearance. The list goes on. And sometimes I just wish I could press a button or wave a magic wand and tada! my life is perfect.
     That's definitely not how it works, though. And it's SO HARD. Because most of those things are good things! Things I should want! I'll be honest, it's discouraging to realize that I can't just decide I'm going to wake up earlier and then DO IT. It takes prayer and faith and hard work and perseverance.
     Another reason that it's hard is because it's part of the process of sanctification. And sanctification is one of the hardest things in the world to go through. It takes immense trust (yet another thing I don't have), and I just want God to hand me some kind of certificate or something that says "Congratulations! You have achieved the highest standard of _________!"

Examining this post now, I realize that I'm not doing too well with patience. :/

But it's okay, because of who I am in Christ - I am saved, I'm a saint, I'm God's daughter, I'm beloved, and I'm guaranteed eternal life and happiness.

One minute I'm despairing about how much I need to change and how unsatisfied I am with myself, and the next breath I'm motivated and pleased with where I am. Funny how my emotions fluctuate like that. Thank goodness there's a never-changing God who unconditionally loves me for who I am.

Happy Wednesday :)
Sarah 

a nice thought

// Your love is wide open spaces where I can run //

(ought to be - audrey assad)

fiery trial musings and four things to remember

     Remember that series on my fiery trial I did last year, about leaving my old church? I just read back and read it, and... wow. It all came back in one big, tear-filled rush. I still cry when I hear this song. I remembered it all - the specific emotions I felt on a day-to-day basis, the tears, the heartache. And the constant struggle of trying to believe that God is good.
     Well, it's been a year since God and I embarked on my first life-trial. And things have been going good. I feel the impact of the trial now and again, but I've reached the end, and now I just want to be ready when something else like it falls in my path. Because it will.
     But you know what's strange? Reading what I wrote last year, when I was in the midst of that fiery trial, I realized that I miss it. I miss being forced to rely on God at all times. I miss the sobs of relief when I would read Isaiah 43. I miss the vulnerability - the constant need to jump into God's lap to just sit and wait it out.
     I can't believe it, but I'm out of that hard time, and I'm pretty sure it's for good. I'll probably feel the impact of it for the rest of my life, but the sharpness of the pain is gone. It's all gone. All I know is that I love my new church (not so new now - I've been attending for a year...!!!), and I love the people in it. I'm dreaming big and anticipating what's ahead in my life. And I can't believe that I really am at the end of that tunnel.
     And I can't believe that I want another trial.
Okay, so I don't really want another one. But I miss that feeling of God being always present in my weakness. I find myself slipping back into old habits of self-sufficiency (two words: summer school).
     So, if you're reading this today and you're going through a fiery trial of your own, please read on, carefully.

1. IT'S GOING TO BE OVER SOMETIME.

2. GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU. HE'S HOLDING YOU TIGHT AND HE WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER LET YOU GO.

3. GOD LOVES YOU A WHOLE LOT. 

4. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

<3
Sarah

Jesus is loving Barabbas - a Judah Smith video

     My sister showed me this video last night and it brought me to tears. It's so beautiful and true, and it reminded me of the truth of the cross in a way I didn't know I needed. Please take eight minutes to be blessed by this. Judah Smith is a dynamic and gifted speaker, and the graphics of the video help to intensify the message. For this reason, I suggest you view it in Youtube so that the screen is bigger. :)

-Sarah :)

P.S. My spiritual life has been a whirlwind lately. So many new things that God is introducing to me! I'm not sure I will be able to share them all; I'm afraid of coming across as confusing and I don't want to lead anyone astray. But I hope that I will be able to put some of my thoughts in order enough to give you a couple of posts soon. I haven't blogged in exactly a month! :P

who we are in Christ - God doesn't create junk

     Christians need to have a certain amount of self-esteem. I'm not talking about constantly doing things to keep people thinking highly of them. That's more of what the world (read: unbelievers) would say self-esteem is. People are always saying "believe in yourself!" As if you were something so amazing, that you could rely on yourself to accomplish anything.

     But we can't do that. We can't rely on ourselves. Jeremiah 17:9 says: "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?"

     So, as Christians, where do we get self-esteem? We all need it. Otherwise, we'd have such a low opinion of ourselves to the point where we would start lying to ourselves about our worth. We do have worth. But it's not in ourselves. If the heart is deceitful, there's no way we could look in ourselves for truth about who we are. We are more critical of ourselves than anyone else is. We all have our insecurities, and NO ONE on earth is entirely immune to peer pressure.

     We get our worth from JESUS. Since Jesus bore the punishment for all of our sin and fear and insecurities and failings, we have HIS record. That doesn't mean we don't sin. It does mean, though, that we aren't going to be punished for our sin. God looks at us as beloved sons and daughters. I don't know about you, but I find it comforting to know that God thinks I'm beautiful. THAT'S how I should look at myself. The devil likes to whisper in our ears and tell us lies about how we aren't worth anything, how we can never be a success, et cetera. That's when I look at what God thinks of me. He loves me as a Father loves his child! And his opinion will never change. Oh, happy thought!

     I'm an introvert myself, so I count myself as one of the socially awkward club. You know, the kind that go to Chick-fil-a and have to muster up all the courage in their being to go up to the counter and order lemonade. (True story.) So, when I go out in public, I'm constantly comparing myself to people, whether it's my physical appearance, or the way I speak, or my sense of humor. It's easy for me to sit here on my bed and type a bunch of words about how comparing yourself to others doesn't get you anywhere, and how God made you unique and for a special purpose. It's harder once I go out there and try to apply it to my life. But God's always working. He really is. He's showing me this and, slowly but surely, bringing me out of the pit of low self-esteem.

     God has perfect timing. I started attending my new church around August of last year, and last September, youth group started. Our theme for this whole year in youth group has been: "Be yourself; who you are in Christ." It's amazing and wonderful that God would place me in this group, talking about this subject, right around the time I started struggling with self-esteem. Last week at youth group, we did a sort of recap of everything we've learned in the past few months. I wanted to share with you who we are and what we have in Christ.

1) We are inseparable from Christ.
"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

2) We are sanctified (set apart and being made holy).
"But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus," - Ephesians 2:4-6

3) We have the Holy Spirit in us. 
"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth." - Acts 1:8

4) We are free. 
"For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery." - Galatians 5:1

5) We have authority. 
". . .so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs  according to the hope of eternal life." - Titus 3:7

6) We are masterpieces. 
"For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." - Ephesians 2:10

     Everyone in my youth group also received a card with the following printed on it:

I am a child of God.

I was created in His image for a unique 

purpose that He prepared for me before I 

 was known to this world. 

     I constantly need this reminder of who I really am, otherwise, I would always be beating myself up for my shortcomings and mistakes that I'm bound to make. When I read this card, I'm reminded that God is a forgiving and loving God, no matter how many times I mess up. 

     I'd like to leave you with this video made by the Skit Guys about being who God created you to be. Enjoy. :)

-Sarah :)

wednesday verse

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

Deuteronomy 31:8

on and on and on and on it goes

God's love. Infinite, eternal, unconditional, perfect, superlative.

     I've always believed that. I've taken it for granted, really. I've sung and believed Jesus Loves Me for as long as I can remember. I never thought it was something that I "struggled" with. Sure, I struggled with other things, but knowing God loves me? Naw. Never. That's easy to believe.
     Or is it?
Recently, as I have grappled with the merciless unrelenting taskmaster that is school, as well as other areas of my life that require self-discipline, I've failed again and again. It's inevitable. I'm human, I like to think I'm self-sufficient, and I start to wonder unconsciously whether God still loves me after I've failed to read such and such a book for school or go to bed at a reasonable hour. I say "unconsciously" because until a maybe a week ago, I didn't realize I was doubting God's love for me. I knew something was wrong but wasn't sure what. And even when I realized it initially, I prayed about it and then kind of forgot about it. But just last weekend I went to Planet Wisdom, a Christian student conference, with my youth group. It was an amazing time of learning about all kinds of relationships, laughing much and often, and worshipping with amazing songs and an amazing band. One of the songs in particular, "One Thing" by Jesus Culture, really hit me hard. I'm talking on my knees, crying kind of "hit me hard." The Holy Spirit literally inside of me "hit me hard."

Higher than the mountains that I face

Stronger than the power of the grave

Constant through the trial and the change

One thing remains

One thing remains

Your love never fails 

it never gives up 

it never runs out on me

On and on and on and on it goes

It overwhelms and satisfies my soul

And I never ever have to be afraid

One thing remains

Your love never fails 

it never gives up 

it never runs out on me

In death and in life I'm confident and covered by the power of your great love

My debt is paid there's nothing that can separate my heart from your great love

The part I put in bold was IT. God's love goes on and on and on and that I never have to be afraid? I thought I knew that, but. . . wow. I always get overwhelmed when I sing that. It was God's way of showing me that he really does love me all the time, whatever I do, no matter WHAT. Unconditional. That's what it is. It's never ending, doesn't depend on anything I do or don't do. 

IT NEVER ENDS. 

EVER.

IN MY LIFE.

(It's always a good idea to use a (paraphrased) quote from "Up" to drive a point home).

But reeeally, it doesn't depend on how bad I'm doing (or how great I'm doing, on the other hand). The following lyrics from Jenny Simmon's song "This I Know" basically sums up the struggle of trusting God's love:

When it comes to being free, I am my own worst enemy

'Cause I can criticize every move I make

I've got a microscope on my mistakes

And I steal glory from the One who made me me

I know the words, but help me believe

Jesus loves me, this I know

And I know it's not because of anything I've done

This love is unconditional

So at my worst, and at my best

You don't love me less, you can't love me more

This I know for sure

Never worried or impressed by any failure or success

'Cause I know somehow, some way I'll make You smile

You can not help but love Your child

So I can sing this song to You

You never change your mind about it

And I don't know why I ever doubt it

     As it is always with God's promises, it's comforting to know that you are safe in God's love, and that he will NEVER leave you (insert selfsame "Up" quote here). 

Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 

1 John 4:8

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 

1 John 4:18

-Sarah :)

fiery trial part 6 (blessings)

     We pray for blessings, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering

     

     As I continue further along the path of suffering, it's easy for me to focus my attention on how I am being disappointed again and again. It's easy to give up trying to be strong – trying to make it through. 

     Far too easy. And far too tempting.

I want what I want, and I want God to give it to me! Why should I try to conform my will to his, when I'm sure he can't know best?

All the while You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

The thing is, he does know best. I have to believe that. I am starting to, but it's hard. I would even be tempted to say it's too hard.

     But even as I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I have been depending too much on my own strength to make it through this trial. What makes me think I can carry myself through something I didn't even bring about? Am I that full of myself, that I would assign that much power to myself? It's a problem all Christians face at one time or another. We try to handle things by ourselves. But we can't handle things by ourselves. 

     It's not my place to take over; to be sovereign. It is my place, however, to fill myself with Jesus, who is sovereign, and with the power that he gives me to walk through my suffering. Exodus 14:14 says, "The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” I will not stop putting my hope and trust in Jesus. I know he will fight for me. 

     I know that what I am experiencing will result in his blessings. He will give me something much greater than anything I could ever imagine. I must believe that. I must keep my eyes on Jesus. 

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You're near

And what if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise?

     I look forward to the wonderful things God has in store for me. I pray that he will give me the strength and wisdom to keep walking in the path he has set for me, without looking back. It is exhausting to think about the whys of the doings of God; he is incomprehensible, and as such, I will not try to understand his reasons for directing my life the way he does. 

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear

We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

     It's all that I can do to keep these beliefs from dashing to pieces. I have to fight to keep my eyes on Jesus. But I'm fighting with his power, not my own. Romans 8:31 says, "If God is for us, who can be against us?" I sing songs about God's love for me and his sovereignty, sometimes just to remind my doubting heart that it's true. 

     It is true, even if that seems hopelessly preposterous. It's not. There is a purpose, and God is working all things out for my good because I love him. 

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst

This world can't satisfy?

     And so, I lean on Jesus, knowing that he loves me and that he wants and intends to bless me. "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” - Lamentations 3:22-24. 

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

 Are Your mercies in disguise?

Blessings - Laura Story

-Sarah :)

fiery trial - part 4 (revelation)

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,

     for his steadfast love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of gods,

    for his steadfast love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord of lords,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

to him who alone does great wonders,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

to him who by understanding made the heavens,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

to him who spread out the earth above the waters,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

to him who made the great lights,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

the sun to rule over the day,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

the moon and stars to rule over the night,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

and brought Israel out from among them,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

with a strong hand and an outstretched arm,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

to him who divided the Red Sea in two,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

and made Israel pass through the midst of it,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

but overthrew Pharaoh and his host in the Red Sea,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

to him who led his people through the wilderness,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

to him who struck down great kings,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

and killed mighty kings,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

Sihon, king of the Amorites,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

and Og, king of Bashan,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

and gave their land as a heritage,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

a heritage to Israel his servant,

    for his steadfast love endures forever.

It is he who remembered us in our low estate,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

and rescued us from our foes,

    for his steadfast love endures forever;

he who gives food to all flesh,

    for his steadfast love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of heaven,

    for his steadfast love endures forever.

I have had a revelation.

God's plan is good!

     I'm finally realizing this. Before, I tried to say it over and over in an attempt to convince myself that it's true, but God is being so kind and helping me to believe it. 

     I'm not all the way there - it still hurts to think that I'm not going to get my own way. Things that remind me of it pop up everywhere. But God's giving me grace! He DOES love me! And that is why I am giving thanks to the LORD - because his love endures forever!!! 

-Sarah :)