Do you ever feel like you want to just pause time? Just pause - get tons of work done, sleep, eat, etc. - then press play and "start life" again where you left off, except way ahead of everyone and completely stress-free?
Maybe that's just me.
I just feel like I have so much responsibility. SO MUCH. And I struggle with feeling like I'm never good enough... that I'm not doing enough... that I'm not mature or reliable enough...
I'm struggling.
I'm taking my third year of Latin in school this year, and I absolutely love Latin normally. But it's really hard this year. And I'm discouraged. And nervous. Add six other classes on top of that and it's completely overwhelming.
I know that I'm supposed to lean on God for all of my strength, but I'm having trouble trusting that he has enough of it. I know he does, but... gosh, it's just everything on my plate at once. I want to prove to myself that I am good enough, not really to God - I know what he thinks of me already - but to people around me. It's probably more important to me than it should be. I don't want to live with this binding me. I've realized that I'm not free from it, but it's strange because I don't necessarily want to be free from it. If I just gave up the fight and let God work through me, I wouldn't be proving anything to myself. Not that I need to prove anything to myself; I just want to.
It's all so confused and messed up. I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense. I just needed to get that out there. Please, try to understand where I'm coming from. I'm in a difficult place. It's okay to be in a difficult place - I know you all are probably in one, too. So maybe you could... pray for me. And if you ask for prayer in the comment section I will pray for you too.
- Sarah
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm so sorry that you're having a difficult time, Strawberry! I can relate, but I admire the way that you're wanting to handle this. When I go through things like this, I try to pretend that the problem doesn't exist, and I sort of wait it out and act like it will solve itself. I often forget how much something is MY responsibility, and how important it is that I take care of it. And then I get stressed out, and then I don't come to God for it...and then I realize that I don't want to, but I can't imagine why. It's not that I don't believe he's big enough to handle it, but I guess one of the ways I try to prove that I'm a good person is by proving that I am able to handle things myself. But I'm not.
ReplyDeleteI hope that I learn this lesson and more of them that God is trying to show me. I'm glad you posted this today, because it helped me know that I'm not the only one out there struggling with this.
I'll pray for you. :)
Thanks, Hayley. I'm glad it helps you. I'll pray for you too. :) <3
DeleteHey Sarah! I totally get where you're coming from. I've been in the same place quite frequently actually. I tried so many ways to get out, but the only thing that seems to work is really relying on God to handle it all. I'll be praying for you :) And if you ever need help/tutoring on Latin, I can do that too :) Well, I'll try my best.
ReplyDeletethanks for praying. :) and thanks so much for the offer of help; I just might take you up on that. :)
Delete