compassion

     I saw somewhere that "compassion is the gift you give to yourself."

I have just embarked on a journey which I hope will be long-lasting and fruitful. I signed up to sponsor a child with Compassion. Compassion is an organization that "releases children from poverty in Jesus' name." By sponsoring, I can help one person across the world be free from poverty! How amazing is that?

My family has sponsored with Compassion before, but I was too little to really get into it - writing the letters and all that. I didn't feel the longing to help quite as much as I do now.

For the past three years or so, I have been pondering this on and off. I was at a Starfield concert, and during the concert the band talked about how they sponsored kids with another program (I forget which one, but it's basically the same thing as Compassion). They showed a video of them in other countries with these kids, and it moved me. I wanted to be part of it. I wanted so much to accept a packet with a child's picture in it when they handed them out at the concert, but I didn't have any income back then (or at least, not enough to sustain a sponsorship). I tried to figure it out, but it just wasn't working. I was young, and my parents weren't sure I was ready to do that kind of thing. I kept thinking about it, though.

About a week ago, it entered my mind again. Sometimes if I was bored, I would go on the Compassion website and see if there were any kids who had my birthday (tell me you wouldn't do the same thing! Haha). I started looking at all of these kids who were just like me, but in worse circumstances. Right now I get a pretty significant amount of money coming in because I teach private violin lessons, so I thought... maybe this is possible.

I felt called to sponsor a girl my age. I wanted to be her friend; to sympathize with her, to be someone who understands where she is in life, even if I can't identify with everything she's going through. I looked at the girls my age on the website. There were twenty-six, and I wrote all of their names down in my journal. I prayed through them so many times, asking God to bless all of them and to tell me which one was for me. My heart was full, thinking of all of these beautiful girls that I could possibly befriend as their sponsor.

A couple days later, I told my parents that I wanted to do this, and they were (are!) extremely supportive. My mom prayed through the list of girls too, and the next day I had narrowed it down to five that I felt God wanted me to consider especially. It didn't take me long to select the one girl I would sponsor. I felt so close to God and to her at that moment.

I had to wait until I had enough money to start the sponsorship, and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I knew that she wouldn't be sponsored by someone else if God really wanted me to have her. If she was taken before I could sign up, I would know that God wanted me to select another.

But I was sure that she was the one.

Last night, I finally had enough money to sign up. Shaking with excitement, I went to the website and clicked "select this child" on my girl's profile. Then my internet crashed.

No big deal. I'll just reload the page.

I went to the page again, and saw a message that said something like: "This child has been recently sponsored. We would love for you to pick another child to release from poverty!"

My heart sunk down into my socks.

Pick another child?

But she was the one! 

Shaking, but now with disappointment, I went to deliver the news to my parents. They couldn't believe someone had taken her in the split second that I had left the webpage. I tried refreshing the page and everything, but it still gave me that message. I cried a bit on my mom's shoulder before I started to feel more peaceful about the situation. My dad said to check the website in the morning, just in case it was a mistake.

Later that night, I checked again (just to see... I don't know. I was hoping).

She was there.

I clicked on her picture, and it took me straight to where I could put in all of my information to sign up to sponsor her.  

Praise Jesus! 

Apparently, when I had clicked "select this child" it had reserved her, so that when I went back it looked like someone had taken her. It was really me, though. :)

The rest is history. I signed up, and I should get the information about how to write letters and stuff really soon. I saw God so much throughout this week-long adventure: he showed me which one out of twenty-six to sponsor. He provided the money. He tested my faith when it looked like he hadn't saved her for me. But he had! And now I have someone who I hope will be my good friend in time to come.

Because when you show compassion to someone, it doesn't just bless them. It blesses you too. I know this girl will help me more than I can imagine.

-Sarah